HIM

24. A Really Vague Memory of This

"So," I begin. "Now that we're getting closer to our destination...I mean it's like 2 minutes away...I want to ask you a question."

She turns her head to look at me, but since the road is so curvy, I can't exactly look back. "What is it?"

"Do you remember your brother?" I ask her, trying to figure out when the memories cut out for her. I want to know whether it's a time period or if it's just people that she can't recall.

"Of course I do. He's my brother, how could I forget him? I called my mom, asking about him the other day...apparently he's off on a trip for the next chunk of time," She says, and my heart drops, feeling even worse about what I'm about to show her.

"A trip..." I mutter. How could her mom not tell her the truth? It only makes it harder on the people around her.

I can feel her looking at me, I always have been able to. Her presence has an effect on me that's almost indescribable, and I shift in my seat to ease the uncomfortableness that I feel being in such close quarters with her after having avoided her for several months.

"Is there something wrong?" She asks me, still looking my way. I keep my eyes focused on the road. I don't answer her and instead turn onto the dirt road leading into the vast field of headstones. As soon as she realizes where we are, I can hear her inhale. The world around us is silent, not even the sound of the static on the radio disrupting it. I take the chance to look at her, the car now slowing down. Her eyes are wide, her mouth slightly ajar. One of her hands grips the armrest, so hard that her knuckles are turning white. She slowly looks to me. "What is this..."

I stop the car, putting it in park. I turn to her. "You said to make you sad. This is going to make you extremely sad...do you really want to do this? I'm totally fine with turning around right now and going home."

She shakes her head, still looking out at the field of gravestones. She puts her hand on the door handle. "No, if this helps me remember, then I am willing to do anything," She looks at me. "Even if it crushes me."

She opens the door, setting her feet on the dirt-paved road. The wind blows through her hair, sending the brown strands back behind her. If we weren't in a cemetery, I'd say she looks like she's doing a photoshoot. I mean, who's to say that you couldn't have a photo shoot in a cemetery? Her gaze is set in front of us, at the rows and rows of headstones, stretching on for what seems like forever, when really it ends not too far away. She stands there for a few minutes, not walking, not talking. I watch her, still reluctant to get out of the car, now knowing that she doesn't remember that her brother died.

She inhales deeply and turns her gaze to mine. "Well, it's now or never, so are you coming?"

I nod my head and shut the car off, pushing my door open and stepping out into the breezy autumn air. It smells of decaying leaves and fresh rainfall; a smell that can only really be associated with this season.

Enny walks around to the front of the car, her footsteps crunching on the dirt. "Alright, lead the way. I don't know where I'm supposed to be going." She gestures for me to walk ahead of her, so I do.

I walk straight, turning down one of the many rows of headstones, scanning the names for her brother's. While I know the general area where it's supposed to be, I don't remember exactly where.

Owen Lyons...Richard Bassett...Elizabeth Gerry...Stuart Felton...

Michael Walker.

I stop, staring at the name deeply engraved into the granite headstone. His date of birth followed by his date of death also engraved below his name, but slightly smaller. Enny slowly approaches next to me, her eyes reading the words. She brings a hand to her mouth, and I look at her to see what her initial reaction is.

A tear slips down her cheek, leaving a streak of wetness down her face. "Michael..." She says quietly. A silent sob escapes, her body shaking and slightly hunched over. Her perfect posture is no more.

I close the distance between us, embracing her in a tight hug, my arms wrapped around her protectively. She rests her head on my chest, and I can feel the hiccupping motion coming from her every time she breathes in and lets out another sob. We stand like that for the next few minutes, the wind whipping around us as leaves fly off the trees, their colors a variety of browns, yellows, and reds.

Finally, Enny looks up at me. Her eyes are bloodshot and puffy. "In case you're wondering..." She croaks out, her voice weak. "I'm not that upset over this. I had a really vague memory of this happening, but I thought it was just a dream. I'm really upset over this whole memory loss thing." She steps away from me, throwing her arms up in the air. Her hair rushes around her face in a million different directions. She pushes it behind her ears. "Do you know how frustrating it is knowing that you had a life... a wonderful and successful life...that you know next to nothing about? How it feels to wake up every morning wondering if the person sleeping next to you is somebody from your past life or whether they're new? Or...or whether the person you're standing in line behind at the coffee shop is somebody you actually know? Whether the guy who smiles at you on the street is somebody who thinks they know you but doesn't realize that you've lost all recollection of the past...who knows how many...years?" She sits down on the grass, her head in her hands, elbows resting on her knees. Then, quietly, she says, "Do you know how crushing it feels to not even know who you are anymore?"

A/n
Yay! An update!

This week is going to be really bittersweet. While there's a high chance I'll have a snow day on Monday, on Tuesday, I have to present my biology project in front of my whole class (and my teacher is intimidating af) and then I also have to do the PACER.

HELP ME

Also, for some reason my laptop isn't registering when I press the keys, so if some words in this chapter are missing letters, that's why.

If you enjoyed this chapter, please vote, comment, and share!

Oh, and if you didn't know already, I have another story in the works! It's titled 20 Dates with Dalton. There's currently two chapter posted. And might I mention, they're both pretty long (for my standards at least). So if you wanna go check that out, that'd be great!

As always, Thanks for reading!

<3 Meg