Moving On

Chapter 4: The Dark Side Of The Moon

When I went to my old home, to the city where I was born it felt empty. Nobody wanted to say hi, nobody cared if I was there, nobody cared about me. If I died in the next month nobody would notice, nobody will care, the person that brought me here, wouldn't care at all.

ººº

When I came into the Gym she said hi and pronounced a little "I want to show you something" with a sad look. We went to the bathroom and closed the door, I was afraid, I met her like a month ago and she already trusted me. She showed me the front side of her left tight, blood was still running, it wasn't the first time, she knew where to cut. It looked bad but nobody knew, only me.

ººº

I knew that there was something wrong with her, since the day we met, but I felt like I had to protect her and it was wrong. She told me that I was her best friend, she told me that it hurt when I called her liar, she told me that she cared about me, she told me that she loved me, like a friend of course. She told me a lot of things that were fake.

Liar, if you're reading this, I was right, you're a liar, I felt in your trap, but you're finally just a manipulator. You played with my feelings and you forgot that I am a potential artist, you'll wish that you never hurt me, because you're gonna be blamed for the time that I live in every single book, song, and drawing, I don't hate you, but I wish that I was able to hate you as much as I do with myself.

I really don't think that I deserve that photograph in my mind, I don't deserve to be this way, I don't deserve to have problems with myself, I don't deserve the feeling of dying inside because I have dreams to become truth, you don't.

Like every single liar in the world, you lied again, denying every single thing, even if I have proved all of it. Your stupid boyfriend is venom, but you never listen, Remember when you almost broke your fist by punching the school wall? Well, I was there, by your side, trying to calm you down because you had "broke up". Of course, the next day you were fine and everything was okay, but when he couldn't talk for a day, you started hanging with your little friend blade. It got infected, again. I pronounced the words "Fucking go to the doctor" yelling, again until my voice was gone. You cried, again. You were in "pain", again.

To be honest, all that you want from each other is sex and anger, because both of you enjoy anger and both of you enjoy pain and mostly you, enjoy the cold, sharp and shiny knife.

ººº

-I can't keep going, first you and then him, I can't- she said crying as I started freaking out again

-Stop that, I'm sorry, don't do any stupid shit, please- I said almost crying

-I can't! I'm giving up! My life is a piece of shit!- she yelled crying harder

-Don't do this to me, you're the only thing that I have left, you don't fucking know what I'm going throw!- I yelled starting to cry

-YOU don't know what I'm ging throw!- she yelled and I started to cry harder

-I KNOW, I Lived it, so fucking hold on!- I yelled and she calmed down

-I'm not going to hold on for so long...- she said and I cut her off

-Don't say that, only three months, you'll be okay, Better?- I asked drying up my tears

-I think so, I... I love you- she said and something inside told me that she was lying

-I do too, goodbye- I said with a truth feeling

-Bye- she said as I hung up

ººº

It was a lie, everything was a lie but what I felt was real, I cared about her as if she was my sister, my soul sister. That was what our bracelets said, soul sisters.

ººº

-What is this?- she asked staring at a little box I gave her a moment ago

-A gift, open it- I said hiding my wrist down my sleeve

-Uh, I'm excited- she said opening it -Wow, You really bought this for me?- I nodded

-I have mine too, they make a heart- I said showing her my bracelet -See?- she hugged me across the table and I hugged her back

-Thank you Amy- she said and I smiled sadly

-Thank you too...

ººº

She stopped talking to me a while before I was coming back to my city, she just forgot everything and I had no time between helping my mom at home and playing cello, I had to write too. I was told by an ex-friend that she took her bracelet off, just after I talked to her to meet.

I told her what I was feeling and what I heard, she got mad at me of course but it hit me that she was so cold to me, she was a different person. She didn't need me anymore. I sent her a message telling her that she wasn't the person I used to know, I told her that she could tell my secrets to everyone, that I didn't care. I left the phone for a day or two, then I saw it and when I read the words "Your secrets die with me" I knew that it was over, that phase of my life was over and our "Friendship" was over.

I've said it all, AA.