Moving On

Chapter 9: I Don't​ Know Love

Remember the girl in Chapter 1? Lydia? Well, maybe you don't so here you have the explanations:

Lucas always speaks about his best friend, who's called Lydia. He told me that I should talk to her because he told her about me and she wanted to know me. She followed me on Instagram and I talked to her.

We started to talk and to know each other. We were pretty similar and I liked her as a person.

We spoke to each other for a month before Lucas came with his great idea: "Why don't we meet on Thursday?"

I was pretty scared (of course) but I was also saying "Yeah" on the inside.

When the day to meet her came I was really nervous, I was next to Angela and I asked her how to dress and what to say, even though, she didn't know that Lucas wanted me to be with her. Before leaving my house, I wrote this:

Dude, I know why you want me to meet her but stop! Didn't I tell you that I was cold? Do you want me to hurt your best friend or what? Damn it, Lucas, think a while about this! I am VENOM for her and I never had a relationship with a girl and stop being so happy about that because I don't know if I want this, I hate myself, I'm too fucked up to love!

The bell ranged as I finished writing the words. I went to open and saw him smiling and then her. The girl he wanted me to meet.

-Hi- I said with an awkward smile

-Hi- they said and we went to a little square that was near my house

After talking for a while they said that I was very talented and cool and she was too so I told her and she was a very funny person. A smile was constantly on her face. She was me with the difference of music and suffering.

It was just a while, when I came back I realized that I hated myself for doing this to me. For falling again. For making myself wonder that I was maybe good.

I hate myself for thinking that she is awesome.

I am too fucked up to love, AA.