Sometimes I just want to drown in the shower, when I let the water go throw my face without breathing for a while, I never wanted to die, now I certainly do. I have to take all my sadness, my misery, my loneliness, and everything negative, inside of me, on my back, until I can't keep walking because if I tell anyone they'll ask why am I still alive.
The last time I wanted to cut my hip, was a year ago. I wanted to do it just to feel better, but I couldn't.
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I was locked in my bedroom, feeling like shit, I was fat, ugly, I had stopped eating a few days ago even though I knew that wasn't going to fix anything. I called my friends but they weren't helping. I saw a sharp blade that I used for cutting paper, I stood up facing my work table. I stared at it for a while and then held it in my hand. I took it as a new toy, analyzing all the possibilities, as I always did. I've always been afraid of pain, but I didn't care. I had shorts so I held them up with a hand and with the other, I held the blade. I tried to press it gently, but all that I caused was a little scratch as if a cat did it. I pressed it more roughly the second time and at the first sign of blood, I stopped. I couldn't keep doing it. I was turning into someone I didn't like at all. I was turning into my demons.
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My mother was trying to fix things, just keep going as if nothing happened. Seven days before the journey they had fought, I was asleep, I slept well the night before, I wouldn't sleep with dried tears on my cheeks, but I would wake up to wet tears, falling as the water of the rain.
She told me that they had a fought, that my dad was going to try to not ruin my birthday, but what they didn't know was that they had already ruined it.
Sometimes I think too much and I know that I'm slowly falling in a depressive state. Sometimes I just want to come home and sleep, the thing that makes me wake up is the idea of changing it, the idea of making my own better life, the idea of changing the world every day with my music.
That's what makes me keep going, even if I am tired and want to die I think about my music. Pete Wentz kept going on, Gerard Way did too, Who says I can't? Who says that I can't be a great inspiration to tons of other people? Who says that I can't be a great musician? Nobody is going to stop me.
Even if my father hates all the "People from music industry" I don't care, I can be my own Spotlight because It's my right to do whatever I like. Patrick Stump said it first, not me.
Bands are My Inspiration, I'm Listening to Dead! by MCR Right Now, AA.
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Moving On
Teen FictionAmy, it's just another troubled teenager, but she is actually different from anyone, in her new town in her new school, even in her new orchestra. At first, she only wanted to fit in, but she realized that it was almost impossible, because she is ve...
