the failings of a surgically healed heart | a collection

4 | accidental lessons i learnt from my mother about motherhood

lesson one.

don't birth more children than you have fingers on a single hand (thumb not included). not even if the first child is a girl - born with a broken heart - and the next, a boy - born with a broken mind - which is to say, both of them rendered useless by their inability to pass on a family name. what use do you have for a name anyway? it's not like it was yours to begin with. it's not like it'll matter when the world ends. or your life does.

lesson two.

if your child makes you more angry than proud then they are most likely satan or your near sociopathic, second son/ middle child, sat snug in the belly of puberty.

(so satan)

lesson three.

if you make the unfortunate decision to have kids of your own, avoid child birth at all costs. kids born here - even/especially from immigrant parents - are not respectful enough, don't care for the sacrifices their mama (and papa) made for them. so if you must look after a child consider adoption, but foster beforehand. think it a 30 day trail run, rather than human that way you won't get as attached as you tend to.

lesson four.

get sterilised after the last baby (even if you have none) because you are disgusted at the prospect of having another child with your husband. more, than your first child is with him as a person.

lesson five.

each time you stray out of your box of thinking whether it be on the issue of homosexuality (one out ten of your brother's is gay after all) or on the issue of all muslims not being terrorists retreat back in the familiarity of a culture stuck in the past through your husband who can't stand anything that strays from the norm: who will turn the channel when the advert where the men wear high heels comes on.

lesson six.

a mother's rage is a real thing. you must learn to keep yours uncontrol. your skin the hue of manure makes you animal enough. no need to bark as well.

lesson seven.

everything is fine until puberty. the fact that your girls are a little rougher than they ought to be. or that your second son cries all the time is not something to be concerned about until balls drop and breast swell. it is then your kids need be reminded of their place.

lesson eight.

if you say your eldest is acting like their father this is an affront to everything you raised her to be stop it. what use is a (sur)name during the rapture anyway?

lesson nine.

don't have children if you can avoid it. unless you are willing to let them believe your birthing them means to say everything of yours is their birth right your time, your money, your energy - your everything.

lesson ten.

everything is fine until puberty. your children think you a god, your girls fear you and your boys aspire to be you it is not until balls drop and periods come does the facade fall, does reality hit. do they realise there is nothing magical about motherhood, that you are mortal as the rest of us, and simply desired for us to believe otherwise for as long as it was necessary.

- bonus: they will blame your mother if you are failure, thank your father if you are success. this the reason i wear his (sur)name but not his likeness.

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Also in a moment as rare as solar eclipse I updated 'bisexuals' over on -TheCreators- so if you're interested or are just now hearing of it because I'm terrible at promoing my stuff check it out. I have a few parts of my life to sort out before I can promise consistent updates on that but don't loose hope in me yet I'll try to ensure it's sooner rather than later.