Always and forever

Chapter 11

It was mom's birthday. She was turning 39. I thought about the  life I had with mom. I was really happy. I was still missing the cuddles and hugs of hers. And then i remembered dad and how miserable he must be right now to have lost the love of his life and to stay away from the only family he had left. Where was my dad? I needed to see him so badly. I was missing him. I wanted him to leave his job and come back to us. He was a big part of my  family. He had to come back to fix it.

That afternoon I told Liam and Lily, "I need to go to the cemetery today, I need to see mom"

Lily said, "Why Emma?"

"It's mom's birthday, the least i can do is visit her at her grave."

Lily and Liam looked at each other and then agreed.

I didn't know what to do. Should I have bought her something? All three of us had flowers. What else? All i knew was that I  had to go over there and talk to her. I know its Creepy talking to a grave, but this was my mom. I was still not sure. What if i cried ? Cry on mom's birthday? She would not like that.

Liam drove us to where mom was buried. By the time we reached the place it was dark. Shit, i was not gonna like this. I mean who wants to be in a cemetery when it's dark? That's extremely creepy and dangerous. But I wasn't gonna make that stop me from meeting my mother. The cemetery was really silent and scary . It was so weird to know that lying everywhere near to me where the bodies of those who had died and among them was my mom. We looked for my mom's grave. I decided it was best not to look alone.

And then I saw it. Her tombstone. Under it was mom's grave. Right then I had a realization. I was only a few centimeters away from the person I cried nights for, the person who I wanted back so badly, the person whose hugs were like none other. The person who had loved me more than herself, she was lying right in front of me. My mom. I went ahead. I knelt on the ground. On her tombstone it was written:

"Susan Margaret Rose Anderson

 Born on 1978 , died on  2017,

Suddenly a flower sweet is plucked from the garden at our feet,

Sadly missed she's flown away

The wind of her wings will guide our day

Susan, you concealed your tears and shared your smiles

You gave so much and demanded so little

May you rest in peace"

As i read it i thought to myself, it was all true. Every word of it. I thought of the day my mom had held me in her hands and caressed me so lovingly when my dog had died. Yeah, would normal moms do that? I don't think so. My mom did and she was like no other mother ever.

I took a deep breathe.

"Hey mom."

I looked at Liam and Lily, they smiled. 

"I know you're out there somewhere listening to this. I hope you are."

I paused for a second. A soft wind blew. And then i knew she was listening.

"I came all the way here to tell you happy birthday. You're turning 39 today !" I giggled, "I remember how badly you were waiting for this day mom, do you? You used to go on and on about how we were gonna celebrate it. Trip to hawaii huh? " I said smiling.

 "I'm sorry i couldn't do it for you mom. I'm sorry you didn't get that perfect birthday celebration. This was all i could do. The only gift I can give you is my love, mom. And i know perfectly how much you love it."

Tears started forming in my eyes,"We may not always have been easy with each other, I may not always have been nice to you and i regret that, i may have failed you at times, and you may not be near me always like you used to be. But there's one thing that you should know, i love you always and forever."

A tear rolled to my cheeks. How i wish she were here. If God had just taken me instead of her. She had gone through a lot more problems than me and god had taken her away. A wind blew again and blew off my tear. I smiled. It WAS my mom. She was hearing all of it.

Lily came near me," Hey Mrs. Anderson, I'm Emma's best friend.Happy birthday. I've heard a lot that you are a very loving and sweet woman. I really wish you were here right now. You have to see how much your little girl has grown up. I know you're really proud of her. And i have to say that you're the luckiest mom in the world for having someone like Emma as your daughter" she said looking at me. I smiled at her.

This time two tears came from my eyes.

Liam came to my other side and held my hand. "Hey Mrs. Anderson, I'm Emma's friend too.Happy birthday. We have to thank you for introducing Emma to us. She's a really brave and pretty girl. You would be the proudest mother if you knew how much Emma's moved on. She's just like you, you know. Bold, courageous, kind, caring and beautiful",he said looking into my eyes.

Tears came to my eyes. I was really very lucky to have Lily and Liam with me by my side. I didn't deserve this. They both then hugged me from both the sides and we stayed there like that for a few minutes. Then it started raining. One by one we kept the flowers at her tombstone. We didn't have any umbrella so we were drenched in the rain. While the raindrops hit my cheek, tears started flowing down along with them. Liam held my hand and Lily put her head on my shoulder.  

Before going for one last time i said, "I love you mom."

I didn't care if it was just me or my imagination but i knew i heard mom say, "i love you too Emma."