Post-it Notes

Forgive Me?

It was the first time Tony had even so much as heard Steves name mentioned in over a year. Everyone was careful around him. They knew how much the soldier had meant to him. He still means just as much. Steve hadn't made any form of contact with him in the year he was away, so when his phone rang at 3:45am he knew something was up. He hesitated answering for a moment, his hand hovering over the decline button before something made him quickly change his mind. He put the phone to his ear, breathing faster. What would he say? What if Steve only wanted to tell him how much he hated him still? His thoughts were cut short by Steve's voice coming from the other end of the line.

"Tony? You there?" He whispered hopingly. Tony's breath hitched in his throat, tears threatening to fall from his eyes at the sound of his friend's voice.

"Yeah, Steve, I'm here" he managed to choke out. He heard Cap let out a breath of relief followed by a long silence. He then realised that there were quiet sobs coming from Steve's end. What did he have to be crying about? He was the one who destroyed everything? "Cap?" He asked, highly confused. Steve sucked in a breath, mustering up all his strength to talk to his friend.

"Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't mean to betray you or leave you. I feel like an absolute fool - hell I am an absolute fool! I'm more than a fool, I did the one thing I promised myself that I wouldn't do and that was hurt you. You took me under your wing, you trained me, you helped me and I never even said so much as thank you. This past year had been hell. I felt so bad for hurting you. I knew exactly what you'd gone through and what you were going through. I lost sight of what was real and what wasn't. I let go of something new because part of my old life came back. Tony honestly I understand if you don't want to forgive me, I understand if you want this to be the last time you ever hear from me, I can respect that, but I'm begging you, please just know that this was all me, none of this was you. And before you say anything, I know that you blame yourself for everything, I know you take everything to heart even if you don't admit it. Please, just understand that I am truly sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I just lost sight of what I had." Tony stayed silent the entire time. He didn't know how to handle this. Not even Rhodey knew how sensitive he was or how badly he hated himself. He didn't even know if he was ready to forgive Steve. "Tony?"

"Yeah, I'm still here. I just-I don't know what you want me to say, Cap. I mean you hurt me, badly, man. I put my trust and my heart in you and you crushed them both. I thought you were my friend. I thought I could trust you. I just-I just-UGH WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO HATE YOU!" Tony yelled, becoming frustrated with himself for forgiving him so quickly. Steve laughed nervously.

"Trust me, it's easy at times" He muttered, his voice breaking halfway through his sentence. Tony looked down into his lap.

"Not from this end, man. You're still the hero you were when I was a kid" he smiled. "Where are you?" He asked spontaneously.

"The Red Motel. Why?" Steve asked, the level of confusion in his voice high. Tony threw himself out of his bed and hurriedly put a pair of converse and ran out of the house, grabbing his keys as he left.

"Because I'm coming to get you" He smiled, clearly proud of himself and exited to be seeing his friend again.

"Tony I don't think that's a good idea" Tony was already in his car, driving as fast as he could.

"Why not?" He snapped, feeling like Steve didn't really want to be forgiven.

"Bucky's here. He's asleep at the moment, but I don't want anything else to happen to either of you. I've caused enough damage" Tony shook his head and smiled.

"That's not a problem, Captain. I can behave myself for a night, I promise" Tony joked. He heard Steve laugh quietly and realised just how much it killed him to see him leave.