Post-it Notes

What Are You?

Tony was sitting on Bucky's bed waiting for him to come back. He didn't know what happened back at the beach, but to say he was worried was an understatement. He was almost ready to throw himself out of the window. He felt sick, really sick. He hadn't felt this way since Pepper left him. It wasn't a nice feeling at all.

"Where the fuck are they?!" He screamed for the tenth time since they'd been back. There was no one in the room to answer him, he was just so used to JARVIS or FRIDAY being around that he didn't even bother keeping his thoughts inside his head. He heard the door swing open and then Steve's quiet voice telling Bucky that he was going to wait next door with Sam to give him some time alone. Bucky must have just nodded or something because Tony didn't really hear anything after that. Tony's eyes nervoulsly swept the room for what had to have been the fiftyth time since he'd been there. He took in the things Bucky had lying around. There were the post-it notes again. This time, it wasn't only telling him what sentimental things were, it was telling him what everything was. He had post-it notes on the doors, on the windows, on the kettle, on the coffee machine, on the fridge, on the balcony. It wasn't something that Tony wanted to see, he didn't really want to admit that Bucky had problems, but he supposed if he wanted to love Bucky, this is what he had to see. He gently pushed himself off the bed and over to where he'd last heard Bucky come in to find the soldier on the floor with his arms hugging his knees and his head leaning back against the wall. He contemplated sneaking up on him for a minute, but knew better. Instead he made his footsteps heavy enough to alert the soldier that he was in the room and sunk down next to him. He nudged Bucky with his shoulder. "Hey." He almost whispered. Bucky made a small sound in response. "You wanna talk?" Bucky shook his head. "You need a hug?" He asked, his voice more teasing this time, causing Bucky to look over at him and smile. He nodded and pushed himself closer to Tony, laying his head in his lap. Tony laid one arm under Bucky's head and the other on his hip, rubbing small, soothing circles. "We go home tomorrow." Tony said optimistically. Bucky hummed in response, not really wanting to talk. "Okay, seriously, what's going on with you?" Tony sighed, having enough of the silence. "You're making me nervous." Bucky sat up in the same position as before, his heart racing, he didn't really want to tell the man he loved the reason that he didn't want to love him. He closed his eyes, trying to keep himself from panicking. He decided that if he was going to have something with the man beside him he had to tell him everything, including this.

"Back before the war, people weren't very," He paused for a moment, trying to think of the right words. "accepting of what i am. They-"

"What are you?" Tony interrupted, fully invested in the conversation. Bucky sighed heavily, he'd never really said any of this out loud, to anyone, including Steve. Tony must have noticed the pure panic in Bucky's eyes because he answered his own question for him. "Gay?" He asked. Bucky nodded timidly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, Barnes. It's different now, people are a lot more accepting. They even have an entire day dedicated to people like us!" He smiled excitedly. "Oh, i have to take you to the next Gay Pride Parade, it is amazing" Bucky felt sick. None of this came easily to him at all, yet Tony sounded like he could go on about it for hours.

"Tony my last boyfriend was only pretending to be gay so he could hurt me!" He rushed out. Tony's smile immediately dropped and his face turned a pale white. He motioned for Bucky to carry on. Bucky closed his eyes again so that he wouldn't cry before looking back to him. "We'd been going out for three months, it was going great, he was perfect, but then one day, he shows up at my apartment whilst my parents were on vaccation, and him and his friends jumped me. I was on the floor until the next day when Steve came over to check on me." He didn't go into too much detail about it nor did he make any eye contact with Tony, who wasn't handling any of this too well. He was shocked. He didn't really think about what Bucky's life had been like back then, he'd only thought about right now. He felt so bad for doing what he did now. He got up and left without a single word. He pretty much ran out of the hotel, going to find the nearest bar and drink his problems away, leaving Bucky to curl up on the floor sobbing and screaming until he felt sick and grabbed a bottle of Vodka from the mini fridge.