Nerdalert

Chapter 2

Stepping out of the shower I wrap myself in my pale blue towel and begin to stare at myself in the mirror. I look like a completely different person without my glasses, my wet hair falls limply at my shoulders as the water seeps into the towel. My piercing blue eyes stare back at me as I flashback to the 17 September 2003, it was my 5th birthday; Mum was swinging me round in the air like she always used to. I could see her bright blue eyes outlined with a thin black line, her face was thin and young, she was smiling at me, glowing in the early spring rays of sunshine that shone through the tree.

Blinking rapidly I realise I have started to tear up. 

No. Stop it now Alex. She's in a better place, stop being so selfish.

Cancer took her life, a life's journey that was not yet complete. She was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was only 6, I didn't understand much, apart from the fact that she was sick. Really sick. I could hear her waking up in the night, coughing puvalsly downstairs, and Dad going to comfort her. The next day Dad had said she was sick and needed to see the doctor but that everything was going to be ok. I could tell he wasn’t telling the truth but I wasn’t sure what was really wrong anyway. Mum was away a lot after that, we visited her multiple times at the hospital but the visits became less frequent as Dad would say,

"Mummy needs to rest today."

But one day, a few weeks later, I walked into the hospital room and I stood there staring blankly at person in my Mum's bed. The lady in her bed had no hair but when she spotted me she smiled, the smile was familiar but I was still confused.

Who is this lady? Why does she have my Mummy’s smile? And why is she in Mummy’s bed?

The lady then realised what was going on in my head, her hands began shaking slowly covering her face as streams of tears came flowing out of her. 

My Dad appeared at her side stroking her back as I moved slowly towards the bed.

"Mum?" I trembled.

"Alex, sweetie." She managed to say, the voice was as sweet as honey and I knew it was her.

She enveloped me into a warm hug; I could smell her familiar scent mixed with foreign smells. The warm fuzzy feeling of being with her ran through me. I held on tightly for what felt like hours; with her tears still streaming I pulled away.

"Are you coming home now Mummy?" 

"Yes darling, Mummy is coming home."

***

Mum was home and all was back to normal. Well not quite. She would spend more time sitting down, taking naps and resting. Dad picked us up from school more frequently and well she was just never quite the same. One late night I noticed her going to pick up her brush to brush her hair before bed like she always used to. Her hand retracted away from the brush as if she had just been burnt, I looked up at her seeing the pain in her eyes. Seeing her like this was heart wrenching, I didn't want my Mummy to be scarred like this, I had to do something.

The next day I walked into the kitchen with my hands behind my back holding a present for her. She gasped when her eyes caught onto my dishevelled hair. There where bits sticking out unevenly all over my head, I held out my hands, presenting her with her gift. Long strands of my hair covered my tiny hands; I smiled timidly up at her. She knelt down beside me, her eyes were glassy, and tears fell down her face.

"Oh Alex..." whatever else she said was muffled into my shoulder as she pulled me into a tight hug.

"I love you Alex." she manages to say between hiccups, giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"I love you too Mummy." I say giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

***

2 years later she was readmitted to hospital. She had gone to see the doctor various times for the next year, the visits became fewer to the doctor but when she began waking up at night not being able to breath she was rushed straight to hospital. 

It was 4 am in the morning, there were people rushing everywhere. I sat outside waiting with Ross, my teddy tightly cradled in my arms as I looked around, frightened. Time ticked onwards until nurses and doctors walked out sullenly glancing towards us with pitiful eyes. The final doctor came out accompanied by my Dad; he places his hand on his shoulder and nods at him with a grim face. Dad ushers into the room where mum lays with chords and a mask attached to her. A tall machine beside her bed beeps slowly. Ross walks forward gives her a hug as she whispers something in his ear he backs away tears streaming down his face. I slowly move towards her staring blankly at her.

"I love you Alex, always remember that," she says stroking my face.   

My bottom lips begins to quiver.

"Be strong my little girl, be strong for Mummy."

She gives me one last smile, she rests her head gently back onto the pillow. The machine begins to slow down until there is only an ominous beep sounding. Her eyes close and my heart stops. She's gone, she's gone for good.

 ______________________________________________________

And thats chapter 2 done! Wow, ok so I cried writing this chapter, I'm not too sure if its because I wrote it well or because I just thought about it too much. 

Cancer is a scary thing, there are many people that I have seen affected physically and emotionally by this terrible disease. I know some who have come through it and others who unfortunately haven't. My heart goes out to people who have been affected by it whether it was yourself, someone close or someone you once knew. Stay strong my little cherubs.

P.S. Feel free to vote/share/comment (comments would be great on what you think so far)

Emma xx