You know what?
At one point I considered you. I considered letting myself fall for you. There was that small period of time that I could imagine dating you, making you happy.
But you were going for him.
And I already loved him.
So I couldn't go for you... right?
I pushed the two of you together. Listening to you with your problems with him. Helping you understand him better.
I tried my best to push him away from me. I showed him pictures that you sent me of yourself, making comments about how beautiful you were in every single one, even if you weren't trying. I shone you in the brightest light I could. I kept asking him why he hadn't made a move.
Then he did.
Now I can no longer have either one of you, and I was okay with that.
Sure it took me an entire day and night of sobbing and tearing away at my skin and considering hurting myself again, but it was okay.
Both of you are happy.
And I still loved both of you.
But then you tore my trust to shreds.
You spread things. Bad things.
Riley was my hope for a clean slate. No rumors, gossip, or anything. Other than the assumption that I was dating four different people, that was pretty much true.
Until you.
Now multiple people have formed opinions. Sammie no longer likes me. Your bestfriend that I've never held a proper conversation with hates my guts. I feel the stares of people on my back and it gets heavier and heavier each day.
That story from a couple chapters ago? 7:00 to 7:46? That nearly happened. Almost happened.
And remember the basketball game when I went off by myself and stuff happened and I didn't tell you? I didn't want to worry you. Didn't want to upset you. But situations like those are occurring more often. Even at school in the mornings before I go to class.
I don't stop it at first because I let myself go. There's no point. But then I keep walking.
I'm just a piece of walking trash J.
I was stupid for think you or him would ever want me.
Just... I don't know why I wrote this. Just to explain things better I guess.
And I'm sorry for intruding. That's why I try my best to leave when you two are together or at least get away as far as possible. Because I'm annoying. Even when he begs for me to stay, I'll still go. Because you'll get mad and upset. So I leave. Sorry for "trying to get between" the two of you.
I'm sorry for being around you.
I'm sorry J.
-R
