The Things I Should've Said

Alright so...

So this is gonna be more of a personal thing... not that most of what I write is personal, but still. If you're looking for a poem, this is not the chapter you're looking for.

Alright so time for an update on me. This is more of a self reassurance I can look back on and remember.

School was stupid. It was so stupidly easy that I wanted to die. Algebra II was basically Algebra I. IED was like a combination of 7th and 8th grade science PLTW. Biology was like a giant review. Don't even get me started on how much of a joke English was both semesters even though I had two different teachers. Spanish II was, again, a repeat of last year with Spanish I. The only halfway decent class I had was WHAP. And of course Band was and will forever be my happy place.

I tried swimming competitively and I was really good at it for it being my first year. But the coach was a bitch and was unwilling to compromise. But bums the word that she'll be quitting Junior year so I'll be back then!

Science Olympiad was so fun though. With Silas, Ben, Jordan, and everyone else. There was never a dull moment and I was always happy. Even though there might been some complications and stress toward competition time. It was still amazing and I'm going to carry through with it until I graduate.

I also started back up with Track with shot put and discus. Now I've been doing shot put since 5th grade with a break in 8th grade, because of my knee surgery, and boy did that set me back soooo far in my PR's. I just started doing discus this year too because i never wanted to try it in middle school. I was at the bottom of the lineup all season, and I'm okay with that. Sure I get mad at myself, but I know I will get better especially with the help from Dad, Coach Miguel, Coach Doan, and Mr. Kubicki (I know him outside of practice so it's hard to call him coach outside of practice, especially since I ran into him today). I will forever compare myself to those higher on the lineup. Not as comparing myself as a dissapointment, but thinking of them as a goal to reach. And I'm going to surprise everyone with how fast I can actually run next year! I might only be able to the the 4x4 because of throwing, but I'll still do my best at it! Running is my getaway and I'm gonna show off my 7 minute mile time and what I can do!

I've made so many friends and it's officially been a year since I've met most of them. Thank you band! And I'm so glad they stick up for me and love me for me and don't use me. Well, one or two people may have ended up using me this year, but I know I am worth so much more than them on so many levels. But they've helped me to grow as a person and to learn from past mistakes that I hope to never make again.

My best friend. My homie. My smol bean, or brother bean as it had been changed recently. My best friend that feels like a brother. Oh boy, there's A  L O T  of stuff that happened this year with him. He's seen my ups and downs, and I've seen his. I'm not going into full detail, but I messed up big time and now I'm not sure if he'll be around anymore. Of course it doesn't help that he's not allowed to text me, but that's out of my control even though he says otherwise. I'm not complaining, I'm over that for the most part. If I really mean something to him, then things will work out eventually. I'll always be there for him and I'll always love him, I would never be able to bring myself to hate him (even if I say it as a joke). But yeah, things happened and I've learned from them even if it tore me apart. I love you bean.

So after all of this happened, after school ended, after everything, I got to go on an actual VACATION. Like I've never felt better in my life. We drove to North Carolina and got to stay in a large cabin on a mountain with my family that lives in Indianapolis that I rarely get to see. I roomed with my cousin Aaron, and it turns out that we have so much in common so it all really worked out. I got to meet my cousin Kayla's boyfriend, Jordan. He is amazing and I totally approve. He's such a nice guy and he felt like family right away and he's gonna be family soon, I just know it. I also got to officially hang out with Abby, who is my cousin Tony's girlfriend. She is so amazing. She didn't have a problem with how cuddly I am and we hit it off immediately. And of course she'll be family soon too. The five of us had a wonderful and amazing time together whether it be playing beer pong and other drinking games or climbing a steep mountain to jump off a waterfall. That week is really something I needed. I feel so much better about myself and everything else. Did I mention everyone (except my parents) gave really good advice? Plus Jordan offered to kill a person for me (don't ask). I love them all and here's a few of my favorite pictures of us, the hugs were definitely the best.

BAND. BAND. BAND. MY LIFE. MY PASSION. Oh I'm so excited for the upcoming year. I MADE SECTION LEADER AND I'M ONLY A SOPHOMORE AND I GET TO BOSS PEOPLE AROUND WOOOO! And get this, during mini band camp, people listened to me! Even the other section leaders!!! I'm so excited for marching band too! This year's theme is "Batman" and it's so fricken cool. We're definitely getting a gold for the 15th year in a row in competition. But I am slightly sad that we're only doing two competitions this year. BUT BAND IS AWESOME. I'm gonna get to play all three of my instruments and possibly learn a brass instrument too. I'm going to be in EVERYTHING and it might be stressful but it makes me so HAPPY. Music is my everything and I aspire to become a professional and continue with it alongside my career as a BME or and Orthopedic Surgeon.

Good people. Good family. Good friends. Good sports. Good music. I'm happy with myself, I really am. My horizon has broadened and gotten lighter. Sure, I'll have my ups and downs. But how I am right now? I hope it stays.

I really do.

Thanks for bearing through this if you read it and if you did, cool beans. If you didn't, I understand! It's all cool. You be you and I'll continue to be me.

Peace out! *drops microphone and exits with a Snape-like flourish*

Dope.