Trapped Underneath a Secret

22- My First Meeting

I followed him to his office and it looked different from a real office. Is was warm and had small couches and comfy chairs. It had a small kitchen and oven. It looked comfy and warm and homey. "Make yourself at home. I want you to trust me because your meetings are between us and us only." I sat in a comfy chair that I could cross me legs in a ball and sat there quietly. "Is this ok Dr. Blue?" He smiled and and sat down, "Well you decide you are your own person." He wrote some stuff down, "Look Clara, I'm here to help you understand what happened and to help you realize that you are just afraid to become who you are." I looked at him confused. "Wait, what?" He kept writing, "Let's continue shall we?"
"Why did you want to be a detective?" "W w well... my brother got hit by a car and... well... the driver just drove off and got away with it. Ever since then I wanted to fight for everyone and get justice for everyone." He wrote stuff down and looked as me curiously. "Did you become a detective to find justice for your brother or for the people." Why did he ask me that, of course for the people. "For the people." "Then why did you bring up your brother." I started to fiddle with my hands nervously, "I'm not saying it's wrong for you to join the police force for a specific reason or one person. I'm just saying you need to figure out your reason for something you spent a good amount of time on... and frankly one of the biggest reasons why events transpired."
I looked up at him and I started to relax. I felt like I could finally speak up and not feel ashamed of what happened or feel guilty. "So... how is your hand." "It's ok... it hurts still and I hate more that Chief made me take time off." He smiled and wrote stuff down, "Well I would agree. What you went through is a lot to take in." I chuckled slightly. "Yeeaa I guess so." "You guess?" He said curiosity, "Well when other detectives get their arms broken they go out on the force like a week later." "Now Clara, I don't think that's true... you can go along on rides but you can't go out in the force and go solving crimes...."
"Plus your condition is different. No matter how you look at it, the [you] you were before is different from the [you] you are now. The you before didn't have to rely on herself to make food or be her only will to survive. The you now had to make her own food, had to learn how to clean a house perfect, had to rely on herself to get out. She had to develop survival instincts to live and breath." I stared at him and I was tearing up. I wanted to just crawl in a ball and cry. He was so right and I didn't see it. Dr. Bean could tell and said, "Clara do NOT blame yourself for things that you couldn't control. Yes... it was your case and your decision to continue working, but it wasn't your choice to be kidnapped, tortured, beat, raped for a long time. It wasn't yours so stop blaming yourself for other peoples' decisions." I just stared at him in awe of how much he was right. "But how can I change how I feel?" He smiled and said, "Well it takes time to understand how you feel and why exactly. But we will definitely work on that!" He smiled and just had the expression of hope and determination. I walked out of the office knowing that this was the right decision... to finally talk about my feelings.