Trapped Underneath a Secret

8- Reavealing a Part of Me

        I went to the hospital with Brian and I felt like it was my fault, my problem. I was gonna solve my problem no matter what. Chief was already at the hospital and when he saw me and my crying eyes he just hugged me and told me everything would be ok. I felt like everything was ending. A man that I opened my heart up is now all broken and I wanted to fix him. "Clara.... I need you to take time off and be with him" "No way! I am going to find out who did this!" "Someone just went into your comfort area and blew it up! GOSH, what is it gonna take for you to understand that this POS whoever did it has completely torn up your place to have peace?!" I knew deep down that he was right, "I'll stray for two days." I caved and he reluctantly agreed.
         I sat down next to Brian's bed and held his hand for hours, after his surgery. I didn't get up I didn't move, I just sat there waiting for him to wake up. I kept going over the scene in my head over and over again, I tried to figure out maybe what the perp looked like or any feature about him. All I could see was Brain. We were each others' main focus at the time. A knock at the bed door startled me and brought me back to reality,"Miss, these came for the patient." They were flowers and I got up to look at the card, "We all hope you get well soon Chef! -All of us from The Kitchen" The Kitchen was where Brian worked. The flowers we so beautiful and amazing. They were the same roses they used on special reservations or special occasions. They were so beautiful and eye-catching. It brought me back to the time when Brian wanted to go eat out and he had just signed his divorce papers. He booked a table at his restaurant and he wanted me to go with him. I had wore a red tight dress and my hair was curled, like in those '50s movies. I also wore red heals to match. He wore a fancy suit, that looked so sharp and amazing on him. His cute beard was still a five o' clock shadow back then and this hair was at his shoulders. He brought me there and we got to sit in the kitchen. There was a small candle-lit table with a small case and a special rose. It looked like a scene from a romance movie and I loved it. We ate and he kept looking at me shyly as we talked. I knew he liked me back then but I didn't know how much until now. I smiled and blushed the entire night, I honestly felt like a princess.
That memory made me happy and warm. His heart monitor brought me back to reality, and how much he did love me. Life honestly is gonna have its ups and downs. But this down made me realize Brian is my one person that will get me to smell the roses. I loved him and I was gonna stay by his side. I know this is a sign that I NEED to stay next to him. I went back to my seat and held his hand. I knew it was my fault and I wish I could fix it. I kept getting texts for the next couple of days from co-workers, to friends, to family saying how sorry they were and that I need to just have faith. I wanted to so bad but how could I when the love of my life is broken and can't wake up. Chief said he needed me but he understood why I'm not coming back. "Ma'am... I understand your a cop?" I looked up at her and I had anger, why would she ask that?! Does she not know that pain I am in!!!!! "It's actually detective." She got a little offended, "Sorry detective. It's just.... I know you want be with your love. But you need to step up and find the person who did this and why. Because just sitting here and waiting won't make the fact something actually happened." Why would she say that!!! I hate this woman who wants to put her nose in MY problems!!!! As I was about to explode, she left the room. I knew I was right, I am right!!!
        I sat on the nurse's opinion and thought about what she said. I'm starting to realize she's right, I needed to find out who did this and why. I guess it's hard for me to understand logical things, because I usually talk to Brian about these things. I don't really talk my emotions. This emotional side of me is something I'm not good at controlling and coping with in a good way. Especially in balancing things like work and my personal life. Brian has always been there when I needed help the most... Now it's my turn to be there for him.