From The Ashes We Rise

Chp 14: What's The Worst That I Can Say?

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF-HARM

Day after day, and week after week, I found myself slowly sinking into what felt like the worst feeling a human could ever experience. I started starving myself almost every single day, to the point where I had to be hospitalised due to passing out in gym class one day. I couldn't do what I love anymore; I just didn't think it was worth it.

"Ash, you really need to eat. I can't bear to see you like this anymore," Sammi begged.

I was still in the hospital recovering from whatever happened in school. Since dad didn't bother to visit me at all, Sammi and her family did so. They're like my guardians now, always making sure I was okay. I guess that's where Sammi got her caring personality from.

I didn't feel good. There's an IV tube stuck into my right arm and it's really itchy and annoying whenever I tried to move it. According to the doctor, I had to stay for another week before I could finally be discharged. Mrs Raymonds offered to take me to a therapist to find out if my recent behaviour was caused by my mental issues. Initially, I wanted to refuse but after recalling past episodes, I gave in. It's for my own good anyway.

A week passed and I could finally come home. Unfortunately, Sammi's parents didn't trust me to stay at home alone so I had to live with them for a while until I could walk properly again. It's not really that bad; they treated me like their own, not like what dad always did to me. Sammi made sure I was well fed and kept 'sane'. She didn't want me to do anything stupid during my time with her family. I slept in the guest's room beside Sammi's which was good because she could check up on me anytime.

Mrs Raymonds made an appointment with a therapist not far from here and I was supposed to go there in two days' time. During this grace period, I spent my time in Sammi's house, watching tv, doodling on her notebooks and sleeping. Now and then, I would have feelings of dread and get suicidal thoughts. They used to never bother me but now, they're getting worse and I had no idea how to stop them from coming.

I had to spend those two days sleeping and eating a bit more to gain some weight. I didn't wanna look like this forever. I also tried to use my powers for no apparent reason and ended up trashing the guest room as a rhino. I gave up on that and cleaned the room up before settling down on the bed to sleep again.

~Two Days Later~

Mrs Raymonds took me to the therapist for that appointment. I sat in the car quietly. I didn't bother starting a conversation since I was too busy thinking about what my diagnosis would be. My gut told me I had depression but I chose to deny it.

Upon reaching the place, I shuffled towards the front door which was threatening me to open it. Mrs Raymonds had to convince that everything will be fine and that it's just talking to someone. I faked a smile and nodded to make her stop bugging me for a while.

Mrs Raymonds went over to the reception while I sat on one of the chairs beside a miserable-looking kid. He had shaggy brown hair which was at least the same length as mine. His eyes were a faded hazel colour as if his life had been drained from them. He was bent over, probably thinking about all this like me. I could also hear him muttering something, but it was too inaudible for me to make out. I tapped him on the shoulder which caused him to jolt out of his trance. He turned to look at me.

I gave him a small smile before saying "Hi."

He didn't answer back but he returned my greeting with a nod. I slowly engaged in conversation with this kid so that he could calm down a bit.