The act of being "Strange" ♡ vkook

So

I'm gonna say this right now! If you are triggered by the description of blood then skip this chapter right now!!!
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Jimin||

A few weeks ago||

Staring into the mirror I sigh.. Sigh because of my existence.. maybe I'm being dramatic, I probably am but what can I do?

I'm being so dramatic.

I'm always shut down, I'm always feeling like shit and what can I do?

I can't do anything about it and that makes me feel even worse..

I am being dramatic.. is there a way to not be dramatic? I don't know..

You know what! I never know, I don't know anything, nothing!!

And this is all pointless.

Everything single thing.

All of my "achievements". All of my "wins", everything "good" that has happened in my life... all of it is worthless and that's true.

Call me as a depressing psycho, fucking say it!!

I'm depressing, I'm worthless, I deserve nothing!!!

And I don't deserve to live.

It's true.
It's all true.

I'm accepting it.. and I always will.

There's nothing out there to make me believe that I do deserve to live because I've already made up my mind. I know what I want to do with my life.

I just want to die.

It's so simple yet I can't.

I can't and I want to.

You might think, 'OH committing suicide that's so such a BAD thing! You shouldn't be like that!!'

But NEWSFLASH!

Being depressed is not a "bad" thing, it's something that not in my control.. ANYONE'S CONTROL!! And it honestly pisses me off when people say shit like that. All of that shit is bullcrap and people say "don't do that." Yet they don't even take action, oh yeah, totally. Saying it, I'll obviously just stop but I can't and understand that before saying all of that bullshit!

All of this frustration, all of it, is me wanting to do and say but I'm such a little bitch that I can do anything. Nothing..

Pity me all you want.

But you know what?

It's not going to help me in any way.

All of that pity is pointless so if anyone feels that way then stop.

It's nothing to do with anyone.

It's my business, no one else's and it's going to stay that way..

No one is going to bother in the first place because no one cares about me, no one care about my existence!

And this is all pointless..

Sorry mom, but I'm a little bitch, who just needs to die...

...

I lazily grab a knife on the counter, the blade brushed at my skin.

I'm worthless.

Chuckling, I go to the bathroom..

Swinging the door open, I keep laughing to myself..

I'm a depressing psychopath.

I look at my reflection in the mirror, slowly I put down the knife on the bathroom counter.. I look back up at my reflection.

Slowly but surely, all of my anger, all of frustration was increasingly getting higher and higher up my limit..

I clenched my fist..

With all my power, I punched the mirror, smashing the glass on the floor, hitting me. I kept my fist in the same spot.. not moving what so ever.

I started to laugh more and more..

I whipped my fist back to my side and looked at my fist, still smiling.

Sorry I'm just crazy.

Examining my hand, I chuckled again..

Blood was dripping slowly down my hand, taking its course to my arm.. It was warm.. the sensation gave me chills... it was strangely..

Thrilling.

The pain was hitting me, hard in the fucking face..

But I ignored all of it. Every. Single. Bit.

None of it fazed me.

I picked up the knife again.. I took the blade up to my wrist and crazily I started to moving the blade back and forth..

Scratching at my skin, blood slowly started to stream from the cuts.

Drop by drop..

All I can see is red.

Red as in blood..

And it looked beautiful.

I started to cut and cut away at my wrist, not caring about how deep I was going..

I didn't flinch, I didn't care, I will never anymore.

If I was outside right now, I promise you, I would be in front of a car by now.

And it's funny how "caring" people can be when someone is suicidal..

It's disgusting.

I bite my lip out of anger, and look back at my wrists. They were both covered in blood.. I sighed...

I deserve this.

Pain is the only thing I can feel, despite that I stand up, that's because during that I fell to the ground..

I'm so pitiful.

My cheeks started to become wet.. I touched my cheeks and noticed I was crying..

Maybe I'm crying because my body is saying "I'm in pain."

I laughed bitterly, I bent down and looked at the smashed glass on the floor, seeing my tear filled face..

I look so ugly... it's almost funny.