Chapter 12
"What are you watching?" I asked plopping down onto the couch (since the sequence at which the movie had been paused didn't make much sense).
"I actually don't know," he said sitting down next to me.
"You are watching an anonymous movie?" I asked resting my head against the rounded buldging top of the couch.
"Ok, at least it has Liam Neeson and scary wolves in it," he explained.
He pressed play and at a certain scene, if I wasn't mistaken, a woman was being mauled by a wolf next to a bonfire -gross.
"Can we watch something else? I sort of don't have the stomach for this."
"You're such a girl," he said returning to the menu option.
You're such a girl? Girl. Was I really a girl?
Most people treated me as if I was an it, others seemed to know just what I was, while others chose to ignore me completely. I personally preferred to be ignored.
There were several times over the last few years when I didn't know exactly what I was. I'd look in the mirror, but what I saw didn't fit what I felt.
I'd never truly cared about being a gorgeous cutey or anything, it was just that I felt like I'd be more complete and even happier if I was, well, a boy.
"It's like I haven't seen you in ages," Harp said out of the blue.
"We're like together every other day." Literally.
"Me, you and Julie," he said seeming unable to choose a channel before he tossed the remote onto the glass coffeetable and faced me. "Are you avoiding being alone with me or something?"
"Why would I avoid being alone with you?" I asked jokingly although my heartbeat was steadily rising.
"I don't know, you tell me," he said removing hair from his eyes with a single thrust of his head to the side.
Gosh that was so sexy.
"I, well I haven't. It's just that I usually feel inclined to bring Julie along with me everywhere I go. That's not a crime."
"I know we kissed."
"Yeah, you kissed me; you were drunk."
"You kissed me back Charlie, and you've been quiet about what happened that night," he said insinuating that my silence meant something -which it did.
"What did you want me to say or do about it? It was just a thing that happened."
"It was more than a 'thing' for me; I felt something deeper."
"How can you be sure you felt anything other than lust, yet you were buzzed?"
"Prove to me that I am wrong. Kiss me," he said looking at me in a way that dared me to refuse.
I could totally be unaffected by his kisses like actors were towards each other. Maybe I could even manage a bored dull face while at it!
"Fine, have it your way," I said feeling my heart shift from my chest to my mouth though the bravado was top-notch.
He looked torn for a second before he scooted closer to me.
I watched him look at my lips before his head started to descend towards mine and my eyes closed in defiant anticipation.
The touch of his lips on mine sent tiny pulses of electricity down my spine, and as our noses brushed, I suddenly felt as bouyant as an helium filled balloon.
This wasn't right. I wasn't supposed to feel giddy and excited, but I did...
I wrapped my arms around his neck as he drew my body closer to his before I was suddenly on my back against the cushions.
His lips came lower to my neck and I turned my head to the side allowing him to kiss me as he wished.
"Am I the only one feeling this?" He asked looking at me with passion laden eyes.
I don't think I could've spoken at that moment to save my own life. All I could do was just stare at him in silent agreement.
His mouth returned to mine and we began kissing with an unmistakable intent in mind; to get naked and nasty.
I reached beneath his shirt pressing my hands against the flat hard muscles there. His skin felt almost hot to the touch as my hands moved higher up to his chest.
I knew I was forgetting something, but for life of me I couldn't remember what it was.
He took off his shirt and tossed it away baring his admirable upper body to my ravenous eyes and hands.
"Is this what you want?" He asked in a tight voice as he ran his finger over the tip of my nose and my slightly parted lips.
"Yes," I answered as if it was the most important question I'd ever been asked in my whole life.
"This isn't exactly the best place," he said lifting me up as I wrapped my legs around his narrow waist.
The Stouts' livingroom was definitely not the place to do any of the sorts of things we had in mind.
"You'll never hurt me, Harp, will you?" I asked as he opened the door to his room.
"Do you believe I could ever hurt you?" He asked letting me get on my feet. It was an opportunity to leave, but I couldn't.
"No," I replied looking at my fingers.
"Look at me," he said holding my head in his hands. "I love you Charlie, I always have, and I'll have you any way I can even if you are not just mine."
"I love you too. I know it sounds crazy or like a bad joke, but I do," I said placing my hands on his wrists.
"This is completely complicated," he said wiping away the single teardrop that streaked down my cheek. "I don't think I can have sex right now."
"Me neither," I agreed flattered that he'd have given up his second virginity for me. He'd been infected with clamydia just after losing his virginity and since then he had never had sex because it wasn't worth the consequences.
"Let's go for a walk," he said putting on a fresh shirt.
"Let's," I agreed putting my hand in his.
I honestly wish that there was a compass to guide us through life, because as of now; I seriously didn't know where I was going.
