Chapter 30
Today was the second day after taking the first pill. Today I was scheduled to complete the abortion.
I hadn't been able to sleep all night: tossing, turning and rubbing on my lower belly trying to feel for any signs that there was something foreign, growing, squirming -maybe just a bit- there in the dark.
I couldn't feel a thing. But as certain as I was that morning would come; I was certain that something was there inside my belly and it wasn't just guts.
I stared at the final pills closing my hand around them tight as my brain went to war with my conscience over what to do.
I didn't know if the first medication had done any damage to the baby, but if it had and I keep it? Was it worth it subjecting him/her to mental and/or physical complications? I doubted it. I had willingly started the procedure, and even if I was less certain about it now, I still had to complete it now.
Popping the bitter pills -in every sense of the word- into my mouth, I quickly washed them down with a glass of water.
It was only a matter of time before the chemicals got absorbed into my bloodstream, and the contractions began. Maybe this was the closest I was ever going to get to childbirth.
I was seriously considering getting a strong drink to help with the pain, before it struck me that even women in labour didn't drink vodka despite feeling like their bodies were being sawn in half!
I had to do it without any assistance from the bottle. I knew it would be gruesome and messy, but I had to somehow overcome it all.
The drug was not instantly effective, but after around three hours, I started getting abdominal cramps which weren't very bad by any standards. I guess it wasn't going to be as bad as the doctor said it would.
With nothing left to do but wait, I started on my Wednesday school work. There was a geometry assignment full of equations and unknown variables, a literature character description, and as usual, three Physics 'problems' to solve.
In abrupt increaments, the pain started getting more and more severe and well, very in-your-face after a short while.
From throb to sharp stabs, the pain was starting to make me feverish and shit! Crappy! Uh, literally.
I don't know what they put in that prosta-whatever, but I suspected it was present in laxatives!
My whole mid-section including my back was on fire, but that had been stated as part of the 'discomforts' to be caused by the shedding of the embryo and its supporting tissues.
Leaving the out-of-order bathroom behind, I was torn between collapsing on the hallway and pushing until I reached the stairs and then tossing myself down the wooden flight; which would also end up with me on the floor.
I collapsed on my bed only dressed in my bra and shorts feeling feverish and faint.
I had heard of fever and convulsions resulting from pain, and I certainly didn't want to experience it!
For some strange reason, I could also feel my heart beating inside my head and hear blood rushing through my veins.
As if by some girly monthly sixth sense; I knew the exact moment my body wanted to expel the dead would've been baby and its supporting tissues.
I rushed back to the loo panting as the contractions took on a deadly turn.
In order to keep myself from screaming out in agony, I sank my nails into my thighs until the tips grew dump from the bleeding crescents.
Drop by painful drop, cell by lifeless cell; I was free of the baby.
I didn't exactly want to throw a party and celebrate the abortion, but I was glad that the main part of it was over. The pain and some of the bleeding would continue for around the next two days, and maybe I could then continue with my life.
After taking a shower that slightly calmed my senses, I went to look for strong painkillers in my mom's medicine cabinet. She had painkillers that could knock you out, and have you asleep barely minutes after taking them. And that's what I needed; not to be aware of here and now.
