We Know Better

Hands to Myself

On Monday, Mads is making a very convincing argument that we should go to the Winter Formal. According to her, since we did not go to Homecoming and we are senior we owe it to ourselves to go to all the other dances. There is a compelling counterargument that we have Prom which is good enough and expensive as hell. I agree with Mads though. I think it would be nice to go especially since it will take place the Saturday before finals. Eventually our side is successful in convincing the rest of the group to go as well.

Since there is just under two weeks to find the right dress for the dance, I find myself spending less time at Brendon's after school and more time with Mads and Alessa in different stores. Shopping for clothes is always an involved task for me, but finding a dress for an event like this is tenfold. I struggle to figure out the look I want to achieve and then to find something that fits me the right way, and then if I manage those things I worry that it is not in my budget. It is a self imposed budget, but the less I spend the less my father can bitch at me about.

The Friday afternoon before the dance, I finally find my outfit for the dance and that evening Brendon begs me to come over and hangout. His brother is having a bit of a party and when I ask him if he why does not just invite Cal and Cooper over, he tells me that he has but he wants me there, too. I do not need much more convincing as I let my mother know that I am going to hang out at a friends house and make my way to Brendon's.

There are quite a few cars parked outside when I get there around eight, but I force myself to trudge up the driveway and reassure myself that I will be fine. I try the door to see if it is already opened and I am rewarded as I step through the threshold to be greeted by loud music. This feels like a different kind of party from the high school one, so I focus on making myself small and weaving through the house to find Brendon. When I do find him, he is in the family room on the couch with Cal and Cooper. His face lights up when he sees me and I quickly cross the room to the couch. There are a couple of other people on the couch and little room for me, but I watch as Cooper none too gently scoots over to make room for me next to Brendon. I catch the dirty looks that the people next to him cast in his direction, but he seems completely unbothered. I thank him as I take the seat and he assures me that it is no problem as he gives me a one-armed hug. When I turn to Brendon, he thanks me for coming as he gathers me in his arms in way of greeting. I hug him back, but I am very conscious not to get too wrapped up in him, especially in such a public setting.

We settle on the couch in our own little bubble while Cal takes on the job of keeping a bottle and or cup in our hands. I decide early on that I will just stick to drinking tonight, especially after that stressful night a few weeks back, and also that I might be staying the night again so I am sure to let my mother know.

We only leave the couch once and that is when Brendon goes with me to the dance floor. The feeling of the music rocking through me and his hands on my body feels like wave after wave crashing down over me. I never thought that drowning could feel so good. Part of me knows that the alcohol running through my veins is making everything a little more overwhelming, but I cannot be bothered to stop myself. For those few moments, I let myself get lost in him while I desperately hope that he is doing the same. Even when we get back to the couch, there is electricity rippling between us and I swear that Cal and Cooper can feel it.

At some point, the four of us make our way upstairs, but the liquor is still coming. I am beginning to really feel it as I realize that this is most intoxicated I have ever been. Though, I still find myself patting my own back at having held my liquor so well. A little while after we make the move, Cal looks like he may be close to being down for the count. Cooper is faring a little better, but not by much. Brendon lets them know that they are more than welcome to stay over, something they already know, but they decline in favor of going just down the street to their own homes. I hug Cooper and Cal goodbye before Cooper lugs Cal with him out of the house.