We Know Better

First Date

Brendon insists that we go on a real date. We are sitting on his couch playing video games and he is making his case to me. I don't actually need convincing. I'd love to do just about anything with him, but it is fun to see how enthusiastically he is explaining. Eventually, I put him out of his misery and agree with him. A shy smile breaks across his face. I can't help myself as I climb into his lap and wrap my arms around his neck. Video game forgotten.

"You're like so adorable, do you know that?" I lean my forehead against his.

He shrugs nonchalantly, "I may have heard that here or there before." He grins and kisses me. "But I am incomparable to you, my love," he whispers against my lips.

Giddiness flows through me like blood. "I love you so much Bren. You could easily destroy me."

I'm too close to him to not feel his body tense. I pull away, letting my arms drop from him, immediately thinking of all the possible reasons for his reaction and how they're my fault. His facial expression softens and he places his hand against my thigh. A sigh passes through his lips.

"Look, I don't think that's what love is. To destroy or the power to destroy."

"Maybe that's not all it is, but you can't tell me that it doesn't have the capacity to do so," I reply quietly.

He frowns and I can see him trying to think of what to say. I watch him tighten his jaw and purse his lips. "I just don't think that's what it is," he repeats.

I think of my parents, "maybe, maybe not."

I climb off of him and sit back against the couch. He doesn't say anything as we sit in silence. The atmosphere has shifted into tense territory. I fucked it up and now he's mad at me. I should have kept my mouth shut. Out of the corner of my eye I see his hand move. Then, I feel it intertwine with mine. My chest loosens. A moment later he leans over and kisses my temple gently. For now, I know that we're okay.

A few days later, is our date. By next week we'll be back in school, and I'm still scared to think about what that means for us. I sit on my couch, nervously twiddling my thumbs while my mom looks at me with amusement.

"Stop," I snap at her.

"I'm sorry, honey, but you are just too cute." She laughs at me before saying, "why are you nervous? From what you've told me, y'all have been practically dating for nearly four months and officially you're at about a month."

"Look I know, and it isn't him that makes me nervous. He's like one of only four people who don't make me nervous, but this is official and he's meeting you and the other day I said something stupid."

She chuckles, "Alaina, relax," wow didn't think of that Mom, thanks, "it's just you guys doing what you usually do. And I've met him before. And I doubt that whatever was said is something he is even thinking about."

"Okay, one: meeting him when we're elementary schoolers doesn't count and neither does five seconds while I was really out of it. Two: I know that me being nervous is kind of irrational but it doesn't make me any less nervous. And three: you didn't see his reaction the other day."

"Alain--" her response is cut short by the sound of the doorbell. My dog goes jetting off to the front door, barking loudly.

I stay frozen in my spot and watch as my mom heads to the front with a shake of her head. I listen as Brendon introduces himself and my mom makes conversation. The sound of their voices grow as they come towards the room I am sitting in. As they enter, I stand and my eyes go to him immediately. One side of his mouth pulls up in a smile when he looks at me. Whatever conversation he had been having with my mother drops. I feel my own smile form and my eyes drawn to the flowers in his hands. They're bright, beautiful colors and I feel myself tear up a little.