We Know Better

Tension

On Friday, he sits down next to me and I turn to smile at him while my body bristles with pleasure because he is next to me. Before we can say anything to each other, one of the guys catches his attention and they start up talking. I content myself with the fact that we are sitting right next to each other and the entirety of our sides are against one another.

Eventually, I hear Becca's voice off to the side while she is sitting next to her partner in crime, Danny. I cringe as I realize that she is talking to me. My teeth sink into the side of my mouth as her voice carries up the table to me.

"Wait, so hey Laina, if you and Alessa are Bi does that mean if we combine you two we can get one whole straight and one whole gay? And also if that is the case does that mean that we can also get one whole Black and then a mixed Asian?" She laughs as if she is the funniest person in the world and a couple of others do too.

My eyes roll and I make no attempt to hide it. I am so tired of these kinds of jokes. As if I am not already a whole person. It is bad enough when I am struggling to figure it out, I do not need others poking fun at it too. I am also annoyed that they brought Alessa into it. She is mixed like I am except she is Filipino and Black; she is also bisexual like I am. I struggle enough with feeling like a person outside of her and things like this confirm my fears that I really am not my own person.

I sigh loudly and look down the table at her, "that's not how it works Becca." I can hear the venom in my own voice.

"I don't know man, what does a hybrid really know," Danny's lazy voice drags.

I try to calm the shaking I can feel coming on as I open my mouth to speak. The last thing I need is them making fun of my wavering voice too. Except I do not have to. I feel Brendon shift next to me as we swivels his attention to the two of them.

"You two are ones to talk. Literally all you do is eat each other's faces and when you're not doing that, you're spewing shit out of your mouth together. Like right now."

I feel a grin spread across my face as a laugh bubbles from my surprised lips. As others start to laugh and make their own responses, I feel Brendon lean his body heavier against my side. I look up at him and his face is split by a grin. His eyes are sparkling and I can tell that he is proud of himself.

"Thank you," I say low and gently, just to him.

He does not say anything back, he just keeps my eyes as his hand rests on my wrist in my lap and squeezes in his silent response. Even when he removes it, I can still feel the tingle.

After the excitement has died down and we all move on from the event, Brendon puts his full focus on me. "Come over today?"

I find my teeth guiding themselves to my lip. It is Friday so there is a chance that Alessa will be coming home with me and it is also not an early release day for me. Going over to his place today feels a little weird: more planned as opposed to us ending up together because neither of us have anything to do. The thought that he wants to hang out with me, and would wait the nearly two hours of school that I have left, when he could spend his early release going out with his friends warms my heart. Though it does occur to me that he could always do something in those two hours and then be with me.

There is also the reality that something a little too close happened the other day, especially after spending all that time with his girlfriend. Even with all of that, I cannot stop myself from saying yes just to see that sweet little smile spread across his soft face. After that moment passes, he, Mads, and I find ourselves in a conversation that fills the rest of the lunch period. And when I get up to go to class, Brendon walks with me. I revel in the few moments I have before having to sit through my last class. Like the last time, I watch him go. As I sit down in my seat, I push Brendon from my mind and focus in on putting all of my attention on my teacher so that I can make the most of the period.