Boats & Birds (Dazai X Reader)

My Ghost, Where Did You Go?

*in Moriarty's voice* Missed me?

Here it is! Another shitty chapter from a shitty writer, but I'll post it, anyway *goes cries in the corner*

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You were watching Dazai as he was sleeping next to you. His face looked so peaceful, that you couldn't help, but to chuckle at how cute he looked. His hair was messy and some of its strands were on his eyes. You've brushed them back hundreds of times, but they kept getting in his face. His mouth was ajar and his cheeks were pinkish. His arm was protectively wrapped around your waist.

You two were still naked from your previous 'activity'. You were no longer ashamed or embarrassed about your body, when you were with Dazai. He changed you. He helped you become more confident in yourself. He made you happy. You were lying there next to him and thanking God for such a person in your life.

You rested your palm on his cheek and stroked it with your thumb gently.

"He's so handsome." You thought

You couldn't help yourself and you leaned closer to his face and pecked his nose. He was so cute, when he scrunched his nose up and you chuckled. You couldn't help, but to wish you could lie like this forever...but there was one thought, that didn't leave you.

Dazai loved you with all his heart. He was ready to do anything to keep you safe and sound. This is why you felt guilty. You were afraid, that he's doing too much. He even agreed to leave Yokohama just for your safety. Wasn't it too much for a person like you? You wanted to give him happiness, but instead you gave him troubles (or so you thought). You just wanted him to be happy, but you were afraid, that you weren't the one, who could give him happiness he desired and deserved. You were too...broken.

You've been lying for about an hour now thinking about wether the idea you had was good or not.

Dazai and the other ADA members were struggling with all this problems just because of you. Maybe if you left, things will get much easier? They will get back to the normal life and they wouldn't need to deal with Port Mafia. Dazai will be able to live normally without hiding. He had already been through the situation like this, when he left Port Mafia. You didn't want him to go through this again.

Part of you wanted to be selfish for once and stay. It was so pleasant to just lie with him like that. Being in his arms, feeling the heat of his body, seeing his peaceful face: it made you happy. You didn't want to lose happiness, when you've just found it. You didn't want to lose him. You wanted to cry at the thought of leaving him, but you knew, that it would be better this way.

It's such a pity, that we usually love people we can't be with and we hate people we are supposed to see every day. I've read once, that there's only one person, who can lit a fire inside inside of you. In other words, you can truly fell in love only once in your life, but usually, these are not people we spend the rest of our lives with. I don't remember, who wrote this, but whoever he is, he said one of saddest truths, that not everyone wants to accept.

You leaned closer to him and kissed his cheek lovingly.

"I love you, Dazai." You whispered knowing, that he won't hear you "I love you so much. You've came into my life like a hurricane and you turned it upside down and I'm so thankful to you for that. Please forgive me for what I'm about to do. I hope, you'll understand, that I do it for you. I want you to be happy, but I'm afraid I'm not the one, who can fulfill the whole in your heart. I'm too broke to be loved. I will hurt you one day. Unintentionally, but you'll feel pain because of me and I don't want this."

Your voice cracked and tears started rolling down your cheeks.

"I don't know if I'll see you again." You continued whispering "After all, Port Mafia is after me and I'm not sure if we'd find each other again. I'll miss you to the moon and stars, you know. You left a part of yourself in my heart, mind and soul and you will always stay there. It feels like my body consists of my love to you for 99%. I've felt so much pain before, but it was worth being with you. Being able to kiss you, hug you and just stand by your side is enough for me to be happy. Thank you so much, Dazai "

You leaned over to him once again to place a last kiss on his lips, before standing up from the bed.