Thoughts Of My Silent Mind

I Cant

I can't think straight. I can't even have a real smile grow upon my face. I can't have a real laugh. I can't be happy knowing how bad she is hurting. I can't think of when I felt that way. I just can't. I can't stand seeing her like this. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost in all this,and I feel as if it's only guiding me away from my relationship. And I feel like it's making the person I'm in a relationship with,doubt our relationship. Maybe that's just me. I don't know! And that's the problem. I do not know. And I have a feeling I just can't know. I want to just..Hold her and make everything better. But then again I want her to walk away and move on. I want her happy. And I have a feeling her happiness isn't me anymore. I'm only hurting her more. I don't know.. She says I'm what's best for her. But how? When I cause the pain. I cause the hurt. I cause it all.. I just can't see how everything led up to this. This was never meant to happen.. It just wasn't. I don't believe this is how it was suppose to go. Maybe I should believe.. Because look how things are. Things are a living hell. And that just kills me. How the hell did I let it get like this? Why did I let it get like this? This is,in true reality,my fault.