Thoughts Of My Silent Mind

RANT TIME

So I have yet to rant in this book. Here is the first!
She doesn't understand that she doesn't know everything that goes on in my life. Nor my head. I'm stressed. Worried. Overwhelmed. I'm beating myself up with my own thoughts. And it's just.. I don't even know. She always wants me to talk about what's on my mind. And I want to.. But I can't. It's not in my nature. It's not me. I'm always locked up. I can't just open up like she wants. And sure,it sucks sometimes. But sometimes it's just for the best. I don't talk about my worries or thoughts nor my problems. Because their mine. Not anyone else's. I have to deal with them,I have to battle them. I have trust issues from hell. Attachment issues as well. I can't just.. Trust. I can't just allow myself to become attached either. I keep my guard up,and my heart locked away. It's so hard for me to open up. It's hard for me to completely be with someone.. When I'm so locked up. I beat myself up over it. I always have to be the strong one. The one to always do the right thing. The "smart one." The one to always get good grades. The responsible one. The good one. The.. The one everyone wants me to be. The one everyone needs me to be.. And it's okay,I love being there for ones I care about. But then again it's frustrating. Because who can I turn to? When is it my turn for someone to pick me up and help me smile? I broke in a school bathroom. I cried. When is it my turn not to hide my tears? Nor my fears? Ugh. Now I'm freaking ranting.. That's great. I'm sorry guys. I am. I needed that out.. Sorry again. And don't worry! There is just so much more running through my head. ✌🏻