Lost Game

Chapter Seven

I sit in my room on my bed. It is eight in the evening. I feel sick not because of something wrong I ate but because of the incidence with Kyra. Her look in her eyes before I pushed her. Why did I do this? I am not some sadist. I could have simply walked away but no I had to overreact. This was so useless. Should I write her a message to apologize? Maybe but not now my back still hurts too much. I stand up and take my bag. I open it and take out all the books and place them in the empty shelf that I keep always free for books from the library. I think if I should read but I am not in the right mood for it. I sit down again and think about my day. Is this an end or a beginning? I am not sure. Every end is a beginning. An old era ends and a new one begins. A new better era. It is funny I thought the same two days ago when I picked the look of the gate. This was a short and not very glorious era. This will be a better one. I will change myself to change others and the world. I am not sure how but I will do it somehow. Maybe physical exercise? This idea is crazy and so useless. What would it change? Nothing but it could be a beginning. I take my notebook and read the notes from Susans presentation. The answer could be somewhere in there. Shit! I forgot to answer her. I sit down at my desk and start the laptop. I open the mail program and press the compose new mail button.

From: finn.hogan3@gmail.com

To: Susan141198@yahoo.com

Subject: Stuff

Hi Susan

I have to tell you so much.

The stuff with the police is bad but I will survive it. I cooperated with them in the questioning and we both know how hopeless it is if I run. All we did was breaking down a door and two graffiti. Everybody is saying that I have to pay a fee and maybe do some community work. It is my first time so I hope the judge will have some merci.

My parents are angry but not so much as I expected. I am not even grounded. My punishment is to be home every evening before nine and I am not allowed to do some railway trip. I couldnt find out yet if I am allowed to visit you. I will try to find it out this weekend.

I also read your presentation. Great work as usually but I think it is much too long. Everybody who is not a hundred percent interested in this topic will stop listening after ten slides and start to mess. Maybe you should shorten it a little bit and paste one or two cartons in. I think you are right I did huge shit. No one will listen to my if I keep doing this. Maybe I will use some ideas from the presentation. Thanks a million for sending it to me.

I decided that I will change myself. Sounds strange I know but I think it will help me to finish this stupid chapter of my live and start a new one. I am not sure yet how to do it but I will do it. I went today to the library to get books and about how to find yourself and stuff like this but all books there a shit. Even I could do it better. Maybe writing a book is a good idea. What do you think about this?

I also meet today the other three people who were arrested with me. Not the best idea. They want to keep going and I told them that I am out. Yea first they insulted me and then I got a good fist in the back. This was when I over reacted. I pushed the girl that hit me to the ground and left without another word. Not the cleanest way to settle it and I am not proud that I did this. I feel terrible about it. I know that I have to apologize but I don't know how. I think it is not a good idea to see her and a text is too cheap. What do you think?

Miss you

Finn

(Wish me luck tomorrow I will ask my parents if I can visit you)

I press send and shut down the laptop.

I sit down on my bed and look at my phone. Tom removed me from the heroes. I expected this. And a message from James. I did not expect this. "Hey phone me we have to talk." Ok? Sounds mysteries. I take a hoodie and go downstairs. I leave the house through the backdoor and sit down in the garden. I often sit here if I have to phone someone it is much more private than my room. I know that my sister can hear every word I say in my room. Open the contacts and select his number. He does not answer. Great. I put down my phone and look at the sky. It is far from getting dark and still nice. My phone rings. It is James. I answer the call. "Hi, how are you? You told me to call you." Hi. Sorry that I didn't answer the call earlier. I just want to give you an update on what happened after you left." "I am not sure if I wasn't clear but when I said that I am out I meant it. I am not any more interested in what you are planning." I know. I just want to say that I am also out." This is a surprise. I thought he would never find the courage to drop out but he did. "You know my reason what is yours?" It need a few seconds before he answers. "It was wrong what we did. And it was so useless. The insurance of the butchery pays the damage and they keep going. I want to move something." "Sounds like my reason. Do you know what the other two are doing?" "This is what worries me. They are cursing us at the moment but Kyras computer downloaded all data from the cloud. She knows this and she will use the data to do something. And as soon as they attack the butchery online the police will phone us two as well as the other two." "Relax, James. They would need a computer genius like you to do something like this and you left them so we are save." I know that this counts only for a limited time Kyra is manipulative and she will find someone else. James knows this too. "She will find someone to replace us two and will give the fault for everything us." I know that James is right but we can't stop them from doing this. "We will see. They kicked me out of the group and I have a nice message from Kyra on my phone. I hope this is enough to proof that I am out what about you?" "Nothing. And I was the person with the computer skills in our group so I am the main subject of the police if someone does something online. Fuck I am so death!" I can hear the rising panic in Jamess voice. "Ok listen. Write down every evening what you did so that you have and alibi. Also save all chats you had or will have with the other two. You will need to proof that you are innocent." I will do it but I don't think that it will help." "It is your only hope. I will do the same. And don't delete your browser data it looks suspicious if you do it." I can hear him laugh before he answers. "You don't need to explain me how to use a computer. But I will do it. Ok I think we will phone you in the next days again. See you!" "Ok. See you." I take my phone and end the call. As I sit in there I realize that I forgot to ask him what he will do. Maybe he knows it as much as I do. I am not sure If I can do something productive this evening and so I go to the kitchen to make me a sandwich. I make me a crisp-sandwich and go to the living room to watch tele. I find my brother on the couch. He has the control over the remote control and so I know that I will watch some sport this evening. I look at the screen and see that some English soccer teams are playing. Or is one of them from Germany? I have no idea. Ireland could win the world cup and I would miss it most likely. I sit down in an armchair and take a bite of the sandwich. One guy in a blue jersey runs forward and the ref stops the game. Why? Don't ask me I have no clue of soccer. My brother shouts that the ref is a blind and a brainless idiot. I don't even trouble myself with asking him what happened. I simply don't care. It is not even the team that he supports. I forgot the name of his team but I know that they are wearing white jerseys. I will never understand why he watches games of teams he doesn't support. Some guy in a red jersey has the ball as the ref blows again the whistle. What is now his problem? But there is now problem it is just the time is over. My brother turns the volume down. "How's it going?" "Good enough. Even if two of the guy that were arrested with me want to do something else and the police will never believe me that I wasn't involved if the police caught them." "Idiots they should realize that every crime only close to animal rights will be connected to you." My brother looks hungry at my sandwich. "This is mine go and make your own." "Yea I told them this and one other person also dropped out. We will see where this will end. Do you want to watch am movie?" I don't want to talk about this right now. My brother gets the hint. "Yea why not. I just go and get something to eat." He leaves the living room. We have and short argument about which move we should watch and then spend the rest of the evening eating chips and watching Jump street 21.

It is past eleven when I come in my room. My sleep rhythm is still not normal and the day was long. I decide that I will go to sleep and undress myself. I climbed in my bed and drift to sleep.