POSITIVE || MATTHEW DADDARIO

FORTY-FOUR

TRIGGER WARNING!! PHYSICAL ABUSE, DRUG ABUSE AND FUCKING HORRIBLE PARENTING IS MENTIONED IN THIS CHAPTER

today when i was feeding jared i realized something

i realized that i never told you about my parents, who they are

MATT
you don't have to if you don't want to, you know?

MATT
i'll be there in about two hours, promoting stuff + long ride home :(

i should tell you, because something happened today

carter called me, crying, because apparently carla had stopped by asking for money to bail garrett out

carla and garrett are the names of my parents

we haven't heard from them since christmas 2014, so i just thought that they had finally realized that we don't want them in our lives

MATT
are you sure you're okay talking about this, lo?

yeah, and i want to do it via text and while jared is still napping

mason is two years older than me, but she was the one who took care of me after i had turned four. that was when our mom started doing drugs with out dad and basically left us. it's a miracle that social services never stopped by

we were homeless for a while when my mom was pregnant with ryan, i was only one then so i don't remember it but mason told me about the small things she could remember. we were sleeping in a church while our dad was out gambling to win enough money to get back the house, which he did after six months.

when i was six the twins were born, and it was rough. carla and garrett were never home so we had to take care of each other. alex and james got sick a lot, as did carter and ryan, and they were so skinny because we never had enough food to eat until we were full. mason and i got out first jobs when we were eight and ten, but they weren't like, real jobs. we handed out news papers and we'd go out in the middle of the nights and swim in fountains to find wishing money

the first time one of our parents got arrested i was thirteen years old. mason was working the night shift at a diner after lying about her age, so i was the one she came to and demanded money from.

i said no.

she beat me until i was pretty sure that i was going to die

mason came home and took me to the hospital. i had seven broken ribs, a broken nose, damage to my left eardrum, a broken leg and a crushed index finger

i was hospitalized for weeks because of a coma

the bills piled up, so we had to sell the house and buy an apartment. we all shared a room, but at least our parents didn't know where we were

when i was sixteen years old a woman from a model agency came up to me and told me that i had potential and that i should call her

i didn't think that i would at first, because i had so much responsibility and so little time, but i spoke to mason and she encouraged me to do it if it was what i wanted

i didn't think that i did want to, but then i thought "this could actually help us financially," so i called

i called and we got money. i got surgery for the damage to my ear, mason started acting, carter and ryan got into college and we could actually afford it. james and alex were okay, so everything was looking up

until they came looking for us because they wanted money to get high

i gave them ten thousand bucks in cash and told them to never come back, and they didn't

until today. carter didn't want to tell me because we have a kid now, we're busy, but she called because it was important

i don't want you to comment on any of this, i don't want you to say that you're sorry or whatever, i just needed to tell you so you know

matt, i don't want them to ever meet jared. i don't want jared to be around such poison

MATT
then we won't let them near him, okay? we won't let them near him, logan

okay

thank you for listening

MATT
it's what you do when you love someone

i love you, too

MATT
wait, what?

we'll talk about it when you get here, i have to go

jared is going through diapers like i'm going through stranger things episodes

it's all up his back i might throw up

MATT
you can do this!! you're supermom!