Seriously

     On an uncharted island somewhere in the pacific ocean, inside of an active volcano, in a secret lair drilled deep into the earth, the Slaying Mantis sat at a console in front of a giant screen and contemplated his latest scheme.

     "Ha ha ha ha!" He cackled, head thrown back and green-gloved hands held up like claws by his shoulders. It was a good, well-practiced cackle.

     "Those idiots will never know what hit them!" He was saying to a humanoid robot standing by his side. "As soon as I detonate the EMP's that I've planted in key areas of the city, all of their electronics will be rendered completely useless! It will be utter chaos! It will take them years to even begin to recover! They'll have no choice but to bow down to me!"

     The robot beeped in a positive manner.

     "Exactly!" said Mantis. "I can see it now...government officials tearing their hair out, bankers scrabbling to recover their lost assets, but it's too late! It's far too-wait, did you hear that?" Mantis glanced around suspiciously.

     The robot beeped again, quizzically.

     "It sounded like the cover of a ventilation shaft hitting the floor. 13, take 17 and 28 with you and go check it out."

     The robot saluted and rushed off, and Mantis made a mental note to oil 13's knee joints. They were sounding a little squeaky.

     Clearly, a superhero had broken into his base. It had happened before, and honestly it was easier to just install a new security system and refill the shark tank rather than have to relocate his lair to a new unmapped island each time he was discovered. Secret tropical islands were becoming hard to find these days.

     Mantis turned back to the console and considered his victory speech. He had a few rehearsed for occasions just such as this one. The overarching theme had to be smug victor, that much was obvious, but it was the little details that made all of the difference. There was the Insane Psycho (why? Because it's fun, that's why!), the Desperate Choice (I didn't want to have to do this, but you just didn't know when to give up!), the Wheedling Seducer (it doesn't have to be this way, you know. Think of all we'd be able to achieve if you joined me!)...it really just depended on the hero. Level of familiarity was a definite factor. If it was a new guy, you had to impress him, but he didn't get to have the My Old Enemy bit.

     Heroes were so predictable, really. They broke into his lair to foil his schemes so often that he could almost set his watch by them. Sure, he knew pretty much all of their moves by now and could take them easily if he wanted to, but honestly he was in it for the game. Make an evil plot, get foiled, go to prison, escape from prison, repeat steps one through four. It's what made life exciting.

     Behind him, the metal doors slid open with a hiss and heavy robotic footsteps approached his chair. Mantis rubbed his hands together and grinned. This was what he lived for.

     "Did you really think it was going to be that easy to stop me?" He had decided to go with the Established Classic. Everybody liked that one.

     "Let me go!" came the expected reply. The voice sounded much higher pitched than what he would have thought, but the hero was probably a woman. It was an equal opportunity gig, after all.

     "So soon?" Mantis purred. "But the party has only just begun!" He spun his chair around swiftly, leaning forward and gripping the armrests with clawlike hands. He used to have a fluffy white cat for this part, but she became unsettled when he spun too fast and no one looks professional cleaning cat barf off of their leg.