Not So Bad After All (BWWM)(EDITING)

Chapter Thirty

Not So Bad After All
Book One
Chapter Thirty
Rose's Pov

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Jayden and I sat on the couch in the living room and stared at the black tv screen.

This can not be fucking happening...

"Are you okay?" Jayden asked breaking the silence.

I nodded, "Yeah, I'm okay. Just in shock right now."

"I'm a little confused... Isn't this a good thing?"

"I don't know..." I shrugged, "I was under the impression that my Mom couldn't have any more kids after me."

"Why?"

"I don't know the exact reasons but I know that my mom almost lost one of my sisters. They were pretty sure that one of them weren't gonna make it through labor. Then when she was in labor with me, she actually died but they quickly resuscitated her and I wasn't supposed to live longer than a week. My parents were told to start planning my funeral. Something about my lungs failing..."

Jayden rubbed my back comfortingly as he listened.

"They were going through a lot when I was born. I can't possibly imagine how it feels to be told that your newborn baby is going to die soon. Somehow I'm still here..."

"I'm glad you are," He gave me a small reassuring smile.

I returned it and rubbed his knee, "So am I..."

"Are you okay to talk about this?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "I think have to... because it be happening again."

Jayden nodded and wait painfully for me to explain what's going on.

"She was told she couldn't have any more kids after me..." I began. "And after everyone realized thatI wasn't going anywhere, my parents accepted that I would be their last child. Except I wasn't... A few years ago my mom got pregnant again and lost the baby when she was six months in."

I got up and rounded the coffee table to open a cabinet on the tv console. I pulled out a blue, baby photo album and sat back on the couch next to Jayden.

"These are all the pictures we have of him," I took a deep breath, preparing myself before I go down this road.

The first few pages were of his ultrasound pictures. There are quite a bit of them since my Mom was considered a high risk pregnancy. They had to monitor the more often than normal.

Then there were a bunch of pictures of all of us with my Mom and her pregnant belly.

"These are cute. Your Mom looks so happy in all of these pictures," Jayden smirked.

"She was... That changed though," I flipped the page. "These are all the pictures after the miscarriage."

Mom's face in the first picture broke my heart every time I saw it. It's when she first held her barely developed baby boy.

"This was the first time I saw my Dad cry..." I told him.

I was now staring at the picture of me holding him. My swollen, tear-filled eyes were staring down at him in disbelief.

"I just remember thinking, You were supposed to stay in there and grow for another four months. You were supposed to grow up and get on my nerves. This isn't supposed to happen. I prayed that some kind of miracle would happen and he would be able to live somehow..." I confessed feeling a little ridiculous. "This is why I don't know if this pregnancy is a good thing."