Not So Bad After All (BWWM)(EDITING)

🌹Chapter Forty-Two🌹Healing

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🌹ROSE POV🌹

It's been a rough couple of days, ya know with trying to deal with Ryan's death.

We still don't know if it was just a regular drug overdose or if it was a suicide. I mean, what's the difference anyway? Doing drugs was suicide in a way. It's a sickness... People who don't know how to deal with their issues, who are already mentally ill in some way, turn to drugs. It's the same with alcoholics. They drink themselves to death because they can't deal.

People harm themselves because they can't deal.

Why do they not teach us important things like how to take care of ourselves mentally?

Kids and teens who have no parents or guardians to guide them through tough times a d teach them how to deal. Who looks out for those kids?

I just keep thinking about how life was for Ryan. His birth mother didn't want him and put him up for adoption at one years old. Then two scumbags adopt him and for years! For years! They basically pimped him out to pedophiles until he was old enough to fight back which was at age thirteen. He never told anyone until he was going through that until he sixteen and he finally got Emancipated from his parents. While he was going through all of that, he still was able to be a decent person. The first year we dated was amazing. You would've never known how damaged he was. He changed during this last year. Everyone could see it. It was almost as if he turned into a dick overnight. That's I held on for so long. I thought he was going through a faze but there's only but so much shit a person can take before they start to look stupid for staying. I really was never in love with him in the first place. But I loved him as a friend. I guess I couldn't tell the difference until I got with Jayden. With Ryan I helped him deal for a while.... and when I and football was enough anymore, he replaced us with other girls and drugs. There were times when I cod see him battling with his old self and his new self. Ultimately, his new personality won. That's why he's gone.

I'm still trying to stop myself from feeling guilty. Its hard to comes to terms with the fact that there was nothing that I could do for him when my first thought is to help first and ask questions later. I lead with my emotions too often. It's hard to grieve a friend.

I swear there's like this cloud of sadness over our school. Everyone keeps looking at me with their pitiful expressions and treating me like I'm gonna snap or something... I'm okay... Well, I'm trying to be. I can't change what happened so I have to learn to deal with it.

I honestly felt like no one would get over this. The shock of losing a classmate hit everyone pretty hard, even if they didn't know him that well or at all. We were just teenagers. Our life is just beginning. So many of us look forward to our dreams and goals and to have a fellow classmate die at our age was a huge reality check and humbled a lot of people.

Everyone is being friendlier to each other it seems. Maybe their afraid of pushing someone over the edge or something... I don't know.

This entire thing shook our school to it's very core. Now realizing how serious drug abuse is in our teen community, schools and other groups in the community are really trying to help these people.

I started a club at the youth center and at school to really help kids and teens struggling with their mental health. It took some doing, but I'm glad to say that the club is in full affect and people are responding to it well. I had no idea how many people that I know or pass on the street are suffering with depression.

I was happy that the club was doing some good but I'm sad that it took all of this to raise the awareness on how serious drug abuse and mental health is.