A Candle in the Darkness (A Dragon Age: Inquisition fanfiction)

Alone with You

26 Bloomingtide, 9:42

The camp at the edge of the Arbor Wilds was rather raucous this evening; anticipating that the soldiers would be nervous, Antonia had had an extra couple of rations of ale distributed to everyone and had convinced some of the men who were good musicians to play lively songs to get everyone singing and keep them from brooding.

It had been a good idea ... as far as it went. The soldiers were cheerful and confident, but Antonia hadn't been able to bring herself to join the party. Nor had Cullen, and they sat, the two of them, on a fallen tree near the camp.

"It could be the good future," Cullen offered. "You defeat him and we—we live happily ever after."

"What does that even mean?"

"I could offer some suggestions."

She smiled briefly. "Besides, it's more likely ..." Letting the words trail off, Antonia looked down at her boots, scuffing the ground. "Will you promise me something?"

"I suppose that depends on what you're asking."

"Promise me that—if it's not ... the good future ... you'll try to find someone else and be happy."

"No."

She looked at Cullen in surprise, and he held her gaze without blinking.

"I'm not going to pretend to promise you something I know I'm not going to do." He reached for her hand. Stroking her fingers, Cullen studied the lush greenery around them, clearly searching for the right words to explain. "We've both said that we weren't looking for ... this, and never expected to find it. I can't imagine anything—anyone—ever being like this again, and if I went looking for lightning to strike twice, I imagine I'd only ... end up getting hurt, or hurting someone else, or both."

"You're awfully calm about this," Antonia observed.

"I am, aren't I? You wouldn't think I would be. But—" He turned to her, sliding along the log to get closer to her. His hands raised to her face, his thumbs supporting her jaw, his fingers curving around her neck. As always, his hands were hot to the touch, warming the chill that had seeped into her at the conversation and the thought of tomorrow. "How many times have I said what an incredible gift you are, what a constant surprise? More than I can count. I think ... Yes. Increasingly I think that to worry about what I would do without this is to miss the point of having it. You are ..." He leaned his forehead against hers, closing his eyes. "There are people who look all their lives for a feeling like this, and I've had—so much."

Antonia kissed him, clinging to his cape to hold him close. Smiling, she drew back. "In that case, I hope it won't disappoint you too much if I come back in one piece."

"I suppose I could learn to get used to it." He kissed her fingers, and then deliberately turned her left hand over and kissed the mark that glowed there. "Whatever happens with this, or Corypheus, you have my support and that of your army; you know that, right?"

"I do." Antonia resisted the urge to yank her hand out of his grasp, the Anchor buzzing unpleasantly in her palm. She nodded toward the rest of the camp. "We should make an appearance, let them see us."

"Good idea." He looked around. "Have you seen the dogs?"

"They're in the tent, taking a nap. Or they were earlier. Are all mabari so lazy?"

"What you might call lazy I think they would consider sleeping while the sleeping's good. A trait I'm sure they think we should share." He smiled at her.