A Candle in the Darkness (A Dragon Age: Inquisition fanfiction)

Stopping to Worry

26 Solace, 9:44

After feeding Antonia a decent meal, Cullen got her to bed, lying next to her to make sure she actually rested. He looked down at her as they lay there together. Despite the years, and the marriage, and the child they shared, it was still such a surprise to find himself here with her. "Maker, you're a lovely sight."

She smiled, her eyes closed. "You need your vision checked."

"Well, I admit I could do without the dark shadows under your eyes, my light."

Antonia snuggled back more firmly against him. "Do you remember the first time we came to the Winter Palace?"

"Could I forget? All those people crowding around me asking me everything from the date I lost my virginity to the name of my great-grandmother's next-door neighbor."

"Imagine that, you as the center of attention."

"You would think they'd have better things to do."

"Than look at you? Never."

Cullen chuckled, wrapping his arm around her. "Now who needs their vision checked?" He bent, kissing her cheek. "Still, I would endure far worse things than that for you."

"And I would always be there to rescue you."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes." It was a mere sigh. Antonia's eyelids fluttered closed, then opened again, slowly. "Are you glad of that?"

He brushed his cheek against hers, chuckling softly. "Very much so."

Against him, he could feel her breathing deepen and even as she slid into sleep, and he lay there next to her for a long while just listening to her, his hand resting on her abdomen. Somewhere deep inside her, their child was growing, and he breathed a prayer to the Maker for the safety of both mother and baby, for good health and a quick ending to this Qunari mess.

He thought of Vel, back at Skyhold, toddling around, possibly beginning to speak. It had only been a few days, but they seemed an eternity, reminding Cullen of all the times he had waited at Skyhold while Antonia journeyed across lower Thedas. He was glad to be here now, glad to be able to support her and care for her as she fought, again, for the fate of the world.

And while he was filled with pride in her, knowing that she would throw herself into this fight as she had all the others, that she would do what was needed for Thedas without stopping to worry about whether it was what was best for her, Cullen had to admit, shameful as it might be, that he wished she didn't have to. He wanted his wife, his family, and he wanted peace in which to enjoy them. And he didn't want to have to apologize for it.

If the Maker thought less of him, so be it.

Carefully he disentangled himself from her. If he didn't get up, he would fall asleep, and he knew from experience that these troubled thoughts would lead to nightmares. He didn't need that right now, and Antonia needed it even less.

Leaving Phoenix and the new dog on guard duty together, he went down to the tavern. The Inquisition had more or less taken it over, and he was glad to be among their own people.

Sera sat down on the table near where his elbow rested, and laughed when he gave her a suspicious look. She shook her head at him. "No pranks for you. No hams, no bees, no jars of sticky fluffy white goo. More's the pity, too."

"I see Meryden's turning you into a poet." He frowned at her.

"Rhyme, shryme, crime. Crime," Sera repeated, giggling. When he didn't smile, she crossed her arms and glared at him. "Look at you, stick in your arse again. Thought it'd gone."

Cullen shook his head, looking down into his mug of cider.

"Hey, Jackboots." Sera's tone was unusually serious. "You notice something squirrelly with the elf servants?"

He glanced at her, then away. "Is this about them, or about you?"

"Oh, aren't you the clever arse. You want to hear, or not?"

"Go on."

"The servants aren't complainin'. No asking for a Jenny. Serving this lot, you think they'd all be happy? That's a laugh."

"The nobles are nice and the servants are happy? That's the problem?" Cullen wasn't sure he was getting her point..

"Yeah!" Sera was staring at him as though he were very stupid. "Two things that are never true, duh."

He thought about that for a moment. "You have a point."

"Too right I do." She hopped down from the table. "Get on it."

"Will do."

Once she had left, he wondered exactly what he was supposed to do about happy servants. Shout at them until they started complaining again? That didn't seem to be quite the right approach.

Across the tavern, he could hear the Chargers singing, and he smiled. That was the answer; he'd give the problem to the Iron Bull. That was his job now, after all.

He crossed the room, explaining what Sera had said. The Iron Bull frowned. "Good for Sera. She's got a good head on her shoulders. When it's on straight, anyway."

"So what can we do?"

"To make the servants miserable?" the Iron Bull shrugged. "Not much, really. Mostly we'll just have to watch and see what they do. I'll get some people on it. I've already got a couple of servants planted; maybe they'll hear something." He looked at Cullen seriously. "How's the boss?"

"Exhausted. Not taking care of herself."

"We'll keep an eye on her. You know what's going on with her hand?"

"Something, but she won't tell me." Cullen sighed. "I can't decide if I admire her fortitude or despair of her stubbornness."

"Nothing wrong with a little of both."

Cullen studied the scarred face of the Qunari. "How are you holding up?"

"Me?" The Iron Bull looked surprised by the question. "Mostly wish I hadn't burnt all my contacts. I hate not knowing what the fuck is going on."

"Wouldn't that mean you'd be on their side right now?"

"Yeah. Maybe. Probably. Still ... at least I'd know things. I like knowing things."

Cullen clapped the big man on the shoulder. "We like you right where you are."

"Thanks. And don't worry about the boss; we'll take care of her. We've had a lot of practice."

Nodding, Cullen tried to let that promise make him feel better ... but it didn't, quite.