The Big Book of Book Reviews - [Closed]

Human

Human

Author - @IndigoJewl

Synopsis -

Aria Amarella Sakujina, she never intended to be boyfriendless for the past eighteen years of her life.

She quite frankly hated it, she knew that she didn't wear the most flattering things, and she was told by the guys themselves that her intelligence was intimidating.

Thus, making her completely unapproachable.

Aria considered changing but if a guy really wanted her, he'd like her for her... Right?

Adrian Oliver Stone, future Alpha of the Moonstone pack. He turned eighteen over the Summer and didn't find his mate. He watched his friends a little agitated that they found their's almost instantly.

When the Summers nearly over, his Dad finally tells him that they will be allying with another pack and they'll all be moving to a different city.

Adrian impatient as always had no objections, hoping to find his other half in the other pack.

Review -

Alright, so the first thing that gets me, the synopsis. You made a couple of mistakes here, mostly more words than    what's needed.

You also have a few grammar and spelling mistakes, example 'boyfriendless' it's commonly used as a word though so don't be to worried. However, the word 'summer' shouldn't be capitalized, I would fix that. It's entirely up to you.

Now your story was predictable, mainly because in the synopsis you mention Aria's name, then later Adrian meets someone who mentions a friend named Aria. That leaves your readers quite early on knowing who his mate is, and when he is most likely to meet her.

Now that might not be a problem, your readers would be more intrigued if there was a bit of mystery to it. Now I realize you are probably trying to introduce the characters right away, so that the readers know who they are reading about.

It's a good tactic, getting introductions out of the way, however I thought I might suggest how you could re write the synopsis.

She didn't intend to be single for the past eighteen years of her life.

She quite frankly hated it, she knows she doesn't wear the most flattering things, and guys are intimidated by her intelligence.

Both of those facts making her completely unapproachable.

She considered changing, but when the right guy comes along, he'd like her for her...Right?

Him, future Alpha of the Moonstone pack. His eighteenth birthday come and gone over the summer, and has still yet to find his mate.

When new opportunities arrive, he leaps at the chance. Hoping to finally come face to face with his other half.

Even if it means a different city, new allies, and a fresh start.

Well, that's that. Feel free to use it if you'd like. Of course just a suggestion, you could keep it the same or re write it yourself. I just think it gives your story a bit of mystery, that could help draw your readers in.

Anyway, Human seems to be a great story with an interesting plot line. I can't wait to finish reading.

I don't know if I mentioned anything before, but for grammar and spelling mistakes in your story, a quick read thru would improve it immensely.

Over all, you have a wonderful story, with just a few errors, nothing I could think should deter any readers. But a little self improvement never hurt anyone.

Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. I hope this review will help you get a readers perspective, and help you better yourself as a writer. As always I hope that if you ever need anything else reviewed you stop by, and suggest me to your friends as well.

Paige 🙂🙃🙂