Scene 3
(half of stage is road, other half is police station; there is a phone booth on the road; Half of stage is lit up, the road side; Delilah, Receptionist; Receptionist is already on stage, typing, Delilah is walking in L, holding a Fizzy Shore can)
Delilah
(Drinking Fizzy Shore soda) Ah, that hit the spot! (throws cup in garbage) Now, what did I come here for? Hmm… Oh yea! I was going to call the police to complain about Miss McCarthy and her not signing her signature for the envelope that requires a signature.
(Lady walks down the street)
Delilah
Hmm… Now what was the police’s number again? I know it started with a nine, or was that a 1? They really ought to make their number short, like three digits. Hey! You over there! (Motions over Lady)
Lady
Umm… Yes? (walks to Delilah)
Delilah
Do you know the number for the police? You probably don’t, because most people don’t bother to remember phone numbers anymore, they just enter them into their phones. But do you happen to have it on your phone?
Lady
Sure… It’s nine-one-one… Are you ok?
Delilah
I’m fine, thanks! Could you write that down for me? I have always had a problem with remembering phone numbers, I can never remember more than three numbers, so I would need you to write it down. I think I have a pen somewhere in here… (Rummages through mail bag, is dropping letters everywhere, pulls out a pen) Ah! Here’s one! Now I have a piece of paper here too….(Rummages through mailbag some more, pulls out a letter) Here’s some paper- oh wait, that’s a letter….
Lady
Do you just want me to punch their number into your contacts instead?
Delilah
Oh, I don’t have a phone. They can cause serious brain damage you know.
Lady
(sighs) Here, follow me. (goes to phone booth, Delilah follows) I’ll just punch in the number, and you can talk to the police and leave me alone. Okay?
(Lady doesn’t wait for an answer, types in the number, and runs off L)
Delilah
What a nice lady. Oh?
(The other half of the stage lights up, Receptionist picks up phone)
Receptionist
Hello, Police and Fire, May I help you?
Delilah
Why, yes indeed by golly! I would like to complain about a customer of the mail service!
Receptionist
… Darling, the police are meant for-
Delilah
I was just walking down the street, prepared to deliver an envelope! It needed Miss McCarthy’s signature, so she needed to sign it! I knocked, and I knocked, and I knocked again! No answer. She was just lounging in there, ignoring me! At first I thought she might be having an out of body experience! You know I’ve had one of those before! One minute I was sleeping the next-
Receptionist
(Interrupting Delilah’s ramble)
Ma’am this line is for E-MER-GEN-CEEs. This is not a complaint line.
Delilah
Excuse me, it’s very rude to interrupt. I was just trying to tell you that I think she might be dead or something!
Receptionist
Dead? Oh my. Continue.
(Delilah keeps talking, curtains close)
