It was sunday. The day we were supposed to get married. Three days had passed since his funeral, the three longest days of my life. I wasn't sure how I was alive, but somehow my body continued to function, my heart continued to beat and I continued to breathe. I'd rather wish I was dead, because I didn't want to live in a world without Harry. It hurt everytime I heard his name, it felt like someone took my heart and twisted it in their hands until every drop of blood was drained from it. And it felt like this every single time.
Everyone around me was a mess. My mother tried her best to keep herself from crying everytime she looked at me. I could see it. I could see how she tried to be so strong but failed, I could see everything. If you're wondering where my father is in all this, well, he passed away when I was young...but I really don't feel like talking about that right now. Ayesha had kept to herself, she was a strong girl but the news had made her weak, death makes everyone weak, doesn't it? As for the boys...they were a sight that could only humor the sick. Niall had been continuosly crying for the past 4 days, just like me I suppose. Liam would try to keep things together but would break down himself, groaning in frustration and pain as tears streamed down his cheeks. Zayn had somehow managed to pull himself together infront of everyone else, but I knew he cried when he was alone, everyone knew. And Louis was always there to comfort everyone, although Elenour told us how miserable he was at home. I nodded as I looked at Louis, a fresh new spring of tears continuing to flow. But it wasn't just us who was affected by the death. Millions of fans cried for him, a few even tried taking their own life as they made numerous of videos in remembrance of him. In remembrance of my fiance...in remembrance of Harry Styles. Taking in a deep breath, I stood up, gathering my hair in a pony tail as I washed my tear-stained face.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" My mom looked at me concerned.
"Yes mom" I gave her a pathetically weak smile as I grabbed my cell phone and keys that I needed "I'm sure"
Removing the key from the keyhole, I twisted the knob and the door creaked open as the familiar scent engulfed me. The strong scent that made me relax and see heaven on earth, the strength that was a part of me now and always will be, Harry's scent. I closed the door behind me as I took a gentle step forward in Harry's room. I teared up as I saw the messy pile of clothes on the floor and on the bed. A small suitcase that lay open on the floor and his messy dressing table. His cupboard was half-open and I slowly made my way towards it, opening it like it was the most sacred object, not to be ruined. I bit my lip, stopping the tears that were begging to flow out as my eyes glaced over his wardrobe. His black and white shirts were all there, which meant he had taken the coloured ones with him...the one's that I had bought...
"I'm going to go shopping for you today and buy you bright coloured clothes. Red, green and yellow being on the top of that list, now that royal blue is taken care of..."
Harry chuckled before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead "Whatever makes you happy love"
All the memories I had with Harry in this room came rushing back like a whirlwind, from the first time he had forced me here that night, the night I knew he wouldn't be just Harry to me...to the cuddling on the bed and the times he had tried to resist me in his shirt. I smiled despite the tears as my eyes landed on the life-sized teddy bear that he owned, making a pit in my stomach tighten when he told me that he'd cuddle with it when I was not around. I quietly made my way towards his bed, slipping off my t-shirt and pulling on his 'Ramones' one that he loved so much...and I broke down in tears as soon as I did. The shirt smelled so strongly like Harry that I closed my eyes tight and wrapped my arms around myself, hoping that it would feel something like what it felt when he hugged me, but I only started crying louder and fell down on his bed, in hopes that it would swallow me and take me to him. I hugged his pillow, curling up into a ball as I cried into his warmth. Harry's room felt like a safe haven, something that no one could ever take away from me. A gush of new tears flowed down as I picked up the frame from the side-table. It was a picture of us. It was taken on the day he proposed, we were surrounded by roses, balloons and chocolates, each and every detail of that day was etched in my heart and memory forever. There was something written on the corner of the picture, my heart stopped beating as I read the words...
We'll take a similar picture each year on our anniversary. Love you now and forever...
I burst into tears as I hugged the picture to my chest, holding onto it with all my might.
"Harry please come back....pleeeaaassseee! I can't do this without you. I can't live, I hate everthing!" I looked at the picture again, stroking my trembling fingers over his face as I sniffed into his pillows. His scent was the drug that kept me sane. I whispered this time "Baby please...I feel so alone in your bed...in our bed. I need your arms around me, I need your warmth to keep me safe, I need your lips on my neck, I need your curls to tickle my skin...I need you" tears fell on the picture as I stared at Harry's smiling face. "You know what day today is babe? today's our wedding day...we're supposed to be reading our vows this very minute and then we're suppose to fool around. Tonight was suppose to be so special Harry...it was our wedding night...we were finally going to kiss baby..." I wiped away my tears only to make room for fresh ones "We didn't even kiss Harry...you should have atleast let me kiss you once before you left..." I stared at the picture before hugging it to my chest again. The 'H' locket still lay on my chest next to my heart, that's where it belonged. I pulled the duvet over my cold body, closing my eyes tight as I hid my face in his pillow. I knew I was driffting off to sleep...driffting off to sleep in my safe haven.
