A felt a gentle hand remove the hair from my forehead and I didn't even need to open my eyes to know that it was my mother. I closed my eyes tighter, in hopes that my mom would get the message and I wouldn't have to get up. She sighed at my reaction, softly pressing her lips against my temple as she stroked my hair.
"The boys are here...maybe you should spend some time with them yeah?" she whispered, afraid that speaking aloud would hurt me. I guess that's how vulnerable I was now, even harsh words cut me like daggers, leaving me yearning the part of me I knew I couldn't get back.
"I'm sleepy..." I pulled the duvet closer to my face, whispering into the material. I didn't want to see the boys. I just didn't want to see them, ever. They reminded me so much of him. Not that everything around me didn't remind me of him, each heart-beat was etched with his smile, his face...him. Seeing those four and then not seeing Harry with them felt like God was putting me through a test, a test He knew I could never pass. But at the same time I couldn't stay away from them, they were a part of Harry, they were a part of me, they were a part of us, and I had already lost enough people in my life.
"Khadija please...you've been in bed for over 18 hours..." my mother's voice broke and I unwillingly sat up, just for my mother, tearing up myself seeing my mother in such pain.
"Mom please don't cry" I hugged her, calming her tears. "Please...I can't see you cry. If something happens to you I'm going to jump out of the window" despite my tears my voice was firm. She hugged me tighter but nodded, giving me a small forced smile.
"I love you moma" I kissed her forehead before achingly making my way out of bed, pulling on Harry's Jack Wills hoodie. Pulling my hair into a careless bun and wiping my tear-stained face, my feet carried me out of my room and towards the people that awaited me.
"Hey..." my voice was weak as I looked at their broken faces. The faces that were once cheeky and mysterious were now tender and broken...and there were only 4 of them.
"Hey love" Louis was the only one who dared to smile as he tenderly wrapped his arms around me, but his grip was soon firm. "How are you?" his angelic voice broke the silence and all the strength inside me gave way as I started silently crying into his chest, shaking my head,
"I'm not-I'm not alright" my breath hitched in my throat, making Louis tighten his grip.
"Sshhh sshhh it's okay...it's all okay"
"I miss him" I unitentionally clutched Louis' t-shirt as the tears got thicker. I felt Louis tense up under me before relaxing again
"We all do" his voice was hoarse, making me look up at his teared eyes. I nodded as I unwillingly let him go, crawling up into a corner of the couch. Niall fumbled with his fingers, he didn't look up, I knew he was crying. I wanted to get up and comfort him but I felt too weak. I watched him trying to control himself, trying to control his tears...and I felt like I was looking into a mirror. Liam gently squeezed my hand, giving me an encouraging smile. I closed my eyes, trying to drain out all the noisless voices...trying to go to a better place...somehow trying to find inner peace..
trying to find him...
Harry Styles, the heart-throb, left us about a week ago but surely hasn't left our hearts. Even today...
The news reporter continued with her perky voice. They were always talking about Harry now. For the past 9 days that was all they talked about. It was like they liked torturing us...
"Turn it off" I whispered to Ayesha who now sat beside me.
Fans are still mourning. He was such a great personality, what a tragic loss-
"I SAID TURN IT OFF" my eyes shot open as I turned to face Ayesha, the sound of my hand meeting her skin echoing througout a house that was now ghostly quiet. I slapped her...I slapped my little sister. She stared at me, with wide glistening eyes as she had a hand over her cheek. I was burning, burning with a fury that tingled with my emotions, a fury I didn't know I had been holding in this long. She tumbled to her feet, crying as she ran out the front door...
"What did you do that for?!" Louis seemed appalled as he stared at me. I was crying, burning tears streamed down my cheeks as I turned to him.
"I DON'T NEED YOU! ANY OF YOU! JUST GO AWAY! EVERYONE! I JUST HATE YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU! EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE" my chin quivered as thicker tears found their way "YOU'RE ALL DEAD TO ME JUST LIKE HARRY IS. He...he's dead...he's dead. He's not coming back. He left me Louis...why would he leave me..." I felt weak all over again as I backed towards my room "go away, stay away from me...LEAVE ME ALONE!" I turned and ran into my room, slamming the door behind me.
I knew what I had to do next, living without him just wasn't an option anymore.
*****
Hey guys, I know this chapter is a bit short but the emotions got the best of me :'(
Don't kill me :-P
