The Way of Fate (Book 1)

18. Confrontation

Chapter 18: Confrontation

Mika

I woke up to Allen trying - and failing - to quietly move around the room. I should get up too, considering it was Friday and he had to leave for work, but I couldn't bring myself to even open my eyes. The bed was just too damn comfortable.

A moment later - although it could have been longer if I fell asleep again, which was a real possibility - Allen was gently shaking my shoulder. Opening my eyes, I focused on him standing there, next to the bed, Sam clinging to his hip.

Shit. He got Sam up while getting himself ready for work, and I was here sleeping.

I started sitting up. "I'm sorry. I should have-"

He cut me off. "Shush. It's fine. Here." He handed me Sam. "Go back to sleep, both of you. He's fed already."

Sam immediately curled into my chest when I grabbed him. He definitely wouldn't have a problem with sleeping more, especially if he already ate. I, on the other hand, knew I should get up rather than stay in bed. There were too many things I actually planned on doing today.

Allen apparently took my silence for agreement because he leaned over to kiss me. "Get some more sleep. I love you."

I just nodded my head before he walked out of the room. That was something I didn't think I'd ever understand. He loves me. How? Love was just a concept I couldn't understand. How could he be so certain about it? And loving me, of all people? It didn't make sense. There was still a whole side of me that Allen had no idea about. How could he say he loves me when he doesn't know me - not the way he thinks he does? I didn't think I'd ever tell him, though. Unless I could actually bring myself to love him, but that would probably hurt myself in the end if he chose to leave because he couldn't handle that part of my past. 

The question then comes to whether I could love him. Yes, I cared about him. I really did. He made me feel safe and like I mattered - as if I belonged somewhere. No one has ever done that for me before. But could I possibly say that I loved him back?

I always thought it was impossible for me to love. Now I'm reduced to questioning it constantly. I hated questioning my feelings. I felt like I wasn't who I thought I was. And if I didn't know who I was, how can Allen say he knows me?

I sighed. These kinds of thoughts are going to get me nowhere. I just needed to accept that maybe I am capable of being loved by someone and that someone is Allen.

And Allen needed a Christmas present.

I know he bought me one, which I definitely wasn't expecting at all. He came home the other day carrying a box and told me not to open it until Christmas and then hid it somewhere. He didn't want to listen when I told him I've never celebrated the holiday before and didn't need anything. So I now I felt like he needed a present too, and I was running out of time to get him one.

After getting myself out of bed and ready for Sam and me to head out into the cold, I grabbed some money out of my savings envelope. The other day, I finally managed to convince Allen to stop giving me so much money every week for watching Sam during the day. I officially live here and he said - many times - that I was practically a parent to Sam. I didn't need to get paid for that. Except, there's more money in this envelope than I remember there being. I really hope he didn't just put the money directly in here.

When I headed out, I didn't know where exactly we were going, considering I didn't know what I was getting Allen. I've never given anyone a present before. Where the fuck would I even start figuring out what to get a man who literally had enough money to buy whatever he wanted?