The Way of Fate (Book 1)

6. Lust-Filled Desire

Chapter 6: Lust-Filled Desire

[Mature Content]

Mika

Allen handed me Sam again when the doorbell rang. I didn't mind too much. He was buying me dinner - one of my favorite dinners, actually, that I never have - and only really expected my company tonight. The least I could do was hold his son while he answered the door.

Following Allen to the front door, I waited, leaning against the wall as I watched him pay for our dinner. He was seriously gorgeous, so much so that I needed to force my eyes away from his body before he catches me staring.

I would not want to have to have that conversation, after having just told him I wasn't interested in him like that. A complete lie, by the way. I'm surprised he didn't catch it. Relieved, but still surprised.

"You three make a really cute family," the delivery girl said just before Allen closed the door.

I didn't know what to say, but Allen spoke up so there wasn't an awkward silence. "Thanks." He only said the one word before he actually closed the door, but the word still hung in the air between us, ringing over and over through my head.

"Thanks?" I repeated once he turned to face me, the bag of food in his hand.

Allen shrugged. "It was easier than having to explain. Besides, I wanted her gone so that we could eat."

I nodded once. "Alright."

On the outside, I sounded completely okay with it, but on the inside I was practically screaming. One: he wanted her gone so that it was just the two of us. Two: now I couldn't get the idea of us actually being a family out of my head. 

I looked down at Sam, who was still in my arms. What would it be like to be able to watch him grow up, not just until he reached school age, or however long I worked for Allen, but watching him go off to college and fall in love and get married? He'll have everything he's ever wanted, with how rich his father is. He'll never have a mother if I stay in the picture, but he would have two fathers. Was I ready to be a father? A father to a kid that wasn't even mine?

Who was I kidding? None of that would ever happen. Allen was as straight as a ruler, simple as that. He'd find some woman to fall in love with, because that's something Allen knows how to do already. Sam will have his father and a step-mom to take care of him and they won't need me around. I'll just have to go back to what I've been doing for the last however many years - hopping between jobs trying to survive.

"What are you thinking so hard about?"

I looked up to see Allen walking towards me. The bag of food no longer in his hands, which he probably left in the kitchen. I hadn't even noticed him leave.

"What? Oh, um..." I hesitated, not remembering exactly what I had been thinking of. "You know, just thinking how lucky Sam is. He's going to grow up with everything he could possibly want. Not too many people get to say they had that."

"He's never going to have his mother." Allen frowned as he said that, getting lost in his memories of his ex-girlfriend again. "No matter what I do, I can't give him her."

This conversation was turning dangerously depressing again, and I didn't want that to happen. "Who needs a mom, right? With how much you love the kid, he won't even know what he's missing. Now come on, let's eat."

*

It was already dark by the time I left Allen's house, and I really didn't feel like going home yet. I knew I should, considering how early I needed to be back there. But my feet drew me to the one place that pretty much guaranteed me not getting enough sleep tonight.