1001 fandom jokes

Top 10 HP Headcanons

#10 - The Alternative Ending

Voldemort arrived at Godric's Hollow on October 31st, a smile on his face as the one threat to his existence would be destroyed that very evening. But as he crept to the house he saw a great, big stag pouncing around the house. A ribbon stuck to it's antlers as it shook, furious Voldemort left to find the rat that tricked him.
"James stop what if the neighbours see!"
"I think they'll be more preoccupied with the magically appearing house than the deer"
"James..."
"Sorry dear, get it deer!"

#9 - The Betting Game

Can we all just imagine the Hogwarts staff taking bets on who Harry might end up with. Like their are your basic ships like Harmony, Hinny, Rorry, and even Snape is throwing in Drarry eye looks in class. Then one day McGonagall bursts in on one of Umbridge's speals and is like "Where the hell did Cho come from?!" and the room just explodes in rage and Umbridge just has no idea what the heck is going on.

#8 - Exchange Students

Imagine Hogwarts starts doing an exchange program within the houses to better understand your peers, like seriously
" Why is it so dark in your guys' dorm all the time? And p-please get that snake away from me"
"Do Gryffindors have to be loud ALL THE TIME? I'm trying to study!"
"I mean I sneeze once and get bombarded with 'bless you's' and If one more person asks if I'm okay or need a hug, I'm going to hex someone!"
"I DON'T KNOW WHERE VANISHING OBJECTS GO, I JUST WANT INTO MY BLOODY ROOM!"

#7 - Pika?

No but imagine a muggle born learning to conjure a patron us and it comes out as a little Pikachu. Then everyone is like 'oooooh what sort of magical creature is this?' meanwhile all the muggle borns are laughing their ass' off going PIKA, PIKA!

#6 - A Big Disgrace

A muggle born getting called a mud-blood so they lick their hand and wipe it on the pureblood's face, singing "got mud on your face-you big disgrace, somebody better put you back into your place!" To which all muggle borns immediately go "STOMP STOMP CLAP" getting closer and closer to the pureblood who is at this point freaking out at the obvious ritual they are performing.

#5 - A Brief Description

RAVENCLAW: *finds the key*
SLYTHERIN: *picks the lock*
GRYFFINDOR: *kicks the door down*
HUFFLEPUFF: *knocks*

#4 - A Second Chance

Imagine McGonagall giving Hagrid a second chance after the battle of Hogwarts, and he gets his letter and his eyes well up. Suddenly Harry is there to take him to Diagon alley, to return the favor. Hagrid's tears as his wand from many years ago flies off the shelf as he exchanges his umbrella. Sitting eagerly among a class of scared first years.

#3 - Hogwarts, The Musical

Harry showing Fred and George a old muggle movie and them jumping onto the great hall and yelling "Food Fight!" As the magical platters refill till there's no end in sight, Ravenclaw getting way too into it and building a trebuchet. Hufflepuff hitting just the right places to antagonize certain groups against each other. Gryffindor getting into an all out war with Slytherin, magic being used at first but their is just some satisfaction to throwing it with your bear hands. Everyone freezing as McGonagall get's a pie square in the face, only to have a bigger war break out when they see Dumbledoor threw it.

#2 - The Unforgivable Curse

Ron had often asked if they could adopt Harry, his parents had joked and said don't you have enough brothers. It wasn't intel years later when Harry accidentally let it slip about the cupboard under the stairs that they realized he was being serious all those years ago, and Molly Weasley had decided that she would never forgive herself.

*Honourable Mentions*

Baby Sirius

When you first take form as an Animagus it shows up as a baby, only maturing after practise with it, like James is a little baby fawn and Peter's a tiny rat but Sirius is just this tiny black puppy. And Sirius tries and tries ("Puppies are not punk rock James!") to become mature for his Moony but Sirius is like a puppy for a year while James is growing antlers and Peter's fully grown but he can't wait anymore to show Remus and he is literally a puppy (Which fits Padfoot better than a big black dog) and it's not until Askaban that his Animagus becomes the grim. Because he looses a part of himself.

An Influx of Kids

Molly Weasley having so many grand kids that they start standing in specific places to spell out swear words with their sweaters in Christmas photos, the parent's naming their kids certain things to spell these very words. Molly being so Happy with the photos and framing them, all of the adults praying she won't see.

The Final Horcrux

So Horcrux's have certain effects on people's well being, yeah? Like Ginny she was under a spell almost by the diary. And when anyone held the locket they'd become very angry and moody. The ring was even physically damaging Dumbledoor. Why were the Dursley's such awful people? They were living with a horcrux!

#1 - Mis-Represent

Why are Slytherin's referred to as 'edgy bad guys' and 'sex gods' when of all four houses they value traditionalism?

Why are hufflepuff's 'chill' and 'relaxed' who would prefer to eat cookies when their house is the one that values hard work?

Why are Ravenclaws 'boring' 'bookish' 'stuck up nerds' when literally the only personality traits you have to posses to be a Ravenclaw is creativity, wit wisdom, originality, and individuality?

Why are Gryffindor brash and rude when they believe in chivalry?

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These are in no specific order, just some of the best headcannons and theory's I've heard, none of them are mine just small things I've contributed.
Comment your house, I'm a Gryffindor 😉 -Ally