What society wants (Xiuhan fanfic)

Why am I even alive? (Luhans POV)

Okay, I low key forgot I introduced Kris before in previous chapters as someone who also worked with Luhan at his part time job. At first I was going to change it altogether and tell everyone to forget it was Kris, and pretend it was Chanyeol. BUT THEN I thought of a plot that might make it more interesting. So yes, Kris works with Luhan at his part time job, there's a reason why he's referred to as a transfer student as well. You'll find out in upcoming chapters.

I tried calling Minseok after I got out of the room with the coach to talk about soccer. I wanted to apologize to him. I knew I was being a bit harsh on him and took out some of my anger on him for not telling me anything but that's not my fault for him being uncomfortable. I can't force him to talk about things he's uncomfortable with.

I walked out of school, trying to text him once again but like all the times before; no reply.

I felt like I was just about done, and was going to let him have the night away from me to cool his head. He's probably bothered by all my texting, and needs to clear his mind since his parents are back. I can tell his parents really stress him out.

I was walking down the road to get to the subway station to take me downtown. I was going to go to the bar my father was probably drunk at. As I was walking down the road, I turned my head and saw Minseok and Kris both sitting at some fast food place together through the window.

What're they doing together, why is Kris talking to Minseok? I looked down and felt a turning feeling in my stomach. Kris knows that Minseok is my boyfriend, right? I brought him to my workplace that one time for everyone to see.

Are they maybe just talking about that time? Well Kris is very masculine, maybe they're talking about his weight loss plan? But if they were talking about his weight loss plan they wouldn't be eating fast food in a place like that.

"Fuck" I mumble to myself in a low tone, running my hand through my hair to get things straight in my mind. Why the hell am I thinking about this so much?! Kris wouldn't take my boyfriend away from me.

Maybe Kris just really wants to be Minseok's friend and that's why he's hanging out with him. I guess this is good for him, I have to get use to the sight of Minseok having more friends other than myself.

I turned my head away from the two of them and started walking down to the subway station. I don't know why I'm thinking about this so much, or why it's even bothering me?!

I adjusted my backpack onto my back while entering the subway, getting onto one of the subway carts and sitting down in a seat while I waited for my stop.

As I got to the bar my father was suppose to be in today, I opened the door to the bar to check where he was. "What's up Luhan?" One of the bartenders ask as they see me poke my head inside the bar.

"Nothing much, hey is my dad here?" I question, now walking inside the bar and up to the counter where the bartender was behind. He was cleaning a tall glass with a white cloth.

"Your dad did come in sometime during the afternoon but then left. I don't know where he went but I think some people went chasing him out after his fourth glass. He seemed half sober so he's probably alright this time." He explains to me as he continued to look down into the cup to clean it.

I nodded meaning okay and sighed deeply. "Thanks for the help." I say while turning around to walk out of the bar.

"Anytime Luhan" he answers before I left the bar. I knew exactly where he was.

I ran a couple blocks until I got to the broken side of town. This is where a lot of violence goes on, a lot of drug deals as well. It's not my neighbourhood where I live in, but it's very close.

I walked up to one of the broken looking houses and pound on the door loudly enough to try and make them hear me.

"What do you want?!" I heard an older man yell. His voice was deep and it sounded a bit husky. I knew exactly who it was.

"It's me" I call out, making them know it was me.

Once the person heard my voice, he opened the door for me and looked down at me in anger. My dad probably did something again. "Come in" he snarls, moving off to a side so he could give me some space to enter the house.

As I walked inside the house, the man closed the door behind me, almost slamming it in a way. "Where's my dad?" I ask, looking around the house trying to find him.

"In the other room" the husky voiced man says, stopping me from walking into the next room by standing in front of me.

"What?" I question, looking up at the man confused onto why he wasn't letting me pass.

"Your dad owes us a lot of money! He owes us twelve thousand dollars! We've been waiting half a year and he still hasn't given the money back, if anything he's still asking to borrow more like he forgets how much he already owes us." The husky man yells in anger, sounding like he was trying to intimidate me which pretty much worked cause I felt like I would shit myself any minute now.

When the man mentioned twelve thousand dollars, I slightly cursed at myself in my head. I was already trying to pay back a couple other loan sharks my dad had took money from which was by now probably six thousand.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Are you stupid, we want our money!" The man yells, looking at me like I was a child playing games about the whole situation.

I looked down and rubbed the back of my neck. I knew I had to pay these guys or worst case scenario they'd kill us both. I sighed before explaining "I don't have the money on me right now, but is it okay if I pay you guys every time I do have to money until it makes up to twelve thousand?" I ask, looking at him with pleading eyes.

The man stared at me for a long time while crossing his arms. He sighed deeply before saying "I'll have to talk to the boss about it, but for now at least it's something. Go get your dad." He says, now moving to a side to let me trough.

I went into the next room where my father had a bloody face and was sitting on the floor in the room, leaning his back against the wall to support himself to sit up straight. "Come on dad" I say, holding out one hand for him to take.

He groaned as he grabbed my hand and stood up. He took a few steps back when he stood up, I guess because all of the pressure on him. I wrapped one of his arms around my shoulder and helped him out of the house. He still felt a bit drunk so he's probably still out of it.

"Luhan" the man with the husky voice calls out from behind me as I was leaving with my father.

I looked back at the man calling out to me with my fathers arm still wrapped around my shoulders. "You're a strong kid." He says before turning around and walking into the room I had just took my father out of.

My eyes started to tear up hearing him say that. I waiting until I had enough composure before continuing to walk out of the house with my father, still supporting him. I think he's still drunk since his walking is a bit wobbly but it's okay.

Once we got home, I laid my dad down onto the couch in the living room where he just past out.

I sighed lightly and rubbed the back of my neck  knowing how much debt my father is in and how much I have to pay for him. I don't think I can do soccer anymore...I'll have to take up another job, maybe even get three jobs if I'm lucky. Fuck! I kicked the table beside me which resulted in it breaking, because the wood was so old. I guess I don't have a table to eat on anymore.

I sighed deeply before walking up to my bedroom and laying down on my 'bed.' I stared up at the ceiling, tears filling my eyes. Why can't I just be born into some rich family?! I turned around and planted my face into the mattress of my 'bed' since I have no pillow.

I could feel my eyes heating up, slow tears starting to rush down my cheeks. "You're a strong kid." Those words ringing in my head, giving me faint encouragement.

With the questioning, overthinking things running through my head about Minseok and Kris, to actually trying to get my grades up, to trying to fight off people who use to be my friends and are now my 'bullies' to having to quit the soccer team, and trying to pay off the thousand of dollars my father owns to people...so much stress, so much worrying, so much thinking, I HATE IT!

Why...am I even alive?