Silver King

Chapter 15 - Cal

My heart can't stand her presence, it's intoxicating. She's the sweetest venom, poisoning my insides. I fear illusion, I fear that what I see growing inside isn't growing, that I'm imagining everything. That I'm becoming crazy. Crazier than I already am.

My mind is screaming, aching for her presence, I need her always closer to me. But I don't bring her any closer. I'm scared that if she comes too close, she'll whip back and go way too far from me. So I suffer silently.

The days go by, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. Once we've decided of all the rules, nothing really has to be done. The council dissolves. They get up late, wander in the castle without any precise goal. They deserved it.

I don't rest though. Even if it seems that everyone's forgotten, I still have a country to run until the elections. There's of course not much to do, it's not like I can go and make up laws right now. It wouldn't be fair to the people. I receive dignitaries from the few families who still entertain good relations with Norta, I receive the people with pleas, and answer them like I can. I send spies to find out what's happening in the High Houses all over the kingdom. I know a few of them would like to throw me out of the way before the elections, or murder the elected president on election night. I'm not dumb.

But I don't see Elane Haven anywhere. True, she can become invisible, but over the years I've learned to recognize the feeling of her presence. And I don't feel her. I suspect she stays in her room, or takes walks outside. Probably trying to have some air and personal space. But, if she's here, why isn't she spying on us? I can't stop wondering why she's nowhere in sight. Why she doesn't try to know more. How can she feed the Samos house with information if she doesn't gather any? So I keep my eyes open, and my feelings alert, so I always know what's going on around me.

Mare comes through it all with me. She helps a lot, and she supports me always. Just like a queen. I try to push the thought away, because it doesn't make any sense. She'll never be my queen. Even if she wanted to, which she doesn't after what I've done, there wouldn't be enough time for anything to happen before the elections. But I swear she would make a perfect queen.

The week of the elections finally comes, and everyone is on edge. The tension is palpable, the staff, the council, everyone is extremely nervous. Any slight slip and everything could crumble.

The elections are scheduled for Friday.

On Monday morning, I wake up before Mare, as I almost always do. I never get tired of watching her sleep, her chest slowly rising, her eyes tenderly closed, her lips slightly parted, her messy hair all around her head. I don't think she knows I watch her every morning, because I look away as soon as she starts stirring. But God knows I'd like to keep looking, and kiss the curve of her shoulder as it trembles when she yawns.

But maybe she knows I look, because I know she looks at my back for a few seconds when she opens her eyes. I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, my back to her, and sure enough I feel her eyes. I fight the urge to turn around and match her stare, which would undoubtedly make her blush and look away. She would be uncomfortable, I have no doubt, and that's the last thing I want.

But she doesn't climb out of the bed, walking away to the bathroom, like she does every day. No, she takes me completely by surprise, and awkwardly crawls up to me. She probably stands on her knees, and she rests her chin on my shoulder, before tenderly laying her head against mine. Her arms slide on my sides, and she wraps them around my chest, embracing me for the first time in months. I close my eyes, savoring the moment. I gently lay my hand on hers, sharing my natural warmth. I dare not breathe. I don't want to break the moment. Suddenly, softly, like the sweetest caress, she whispers, her lips brushing my ear:

" I forgive you. "

My heart explodes.

I'm not sure I heard correctly.

But in her attitude, she seems to have meant exactly what I heard.

I slowly turn around, keeping her hand in mine but making her head leave my shoulder. She sits down on her heels, biting her lip, almost nervous. When I'm the one who should be nervous.

I let my hand on her cheek, and she cradles it closer with her shoulder, and I softly stroke her soft skin. As if she could vanish any second.

I smile, not showing my hesitation but only my love for her, and she matches my grin, showing white teeth.

I tip my head towards hers, and if she guesses what's to come, she doesn't stop me. Maybe she wants it too.

I kiss her.

My lips move with hers, and for an instant there is nothing else, nothing but our lips dancing together, after months of longing. Then my world catches fire, as she grasps my head in her hands, pulling me in. I let her, and my head spins and spins, and I don't know if it's real or if I'm dreaming. For now, I don't care, the only thing that counts is the sensation, the feeling of her face against mine, my skin burning.

I'm pretty sure my skin is embers.

But I've missed her too much, and she's missed me too much, and this kiss is not stopping here. As we both gasp for air, separating our lips by mere inches, I breathe out the only thing I can manage to think straight enough to say.

" I love you, Mare. "

Tears start pouring down her face gently, but there are no sobs. Only delicate, tender, tears. I feel them streaming down my own face as our cheeks rub together when she pulls me back in a kiss.

It's fiery, burning, delicious.

It's bringing me back to life.

My hands start down her neck, only stopping in the round of her back. I stroke the spot softly, and the kiss becomes slower, softer. More delicate, but just as passionate.

I nibble her bottom lip, and she gently pushes me away. She rests her head back on my chest, and hugs me close.

" Can't have too much of a good thing," she mutters.

Because this surely is the best of all the good things in this world.

But I disagree. I can never have too much of this.