Ruin S.M

Chapter 4

Liv's Pov

Saturday mornings are boring.
I took a shower and changed into a light sundress and vans.
Mom and I are going grocery shopping.
On Saturdays we buy a lot and I have to help her.

"Morning mom can we go now?" I questioned.
" Morning don't worry Jack is going to follow me"
I nodded and slipped off my shoes while mom and Jack left the house.

"Liv can you come please?" Shawn's voice from his room begged.
Sighting I walked into his room on his large bed.
His guitar is right next to him on the other side of the bed.

"You called?" I asked
"Yeah I have to tell you something"
He took his guitar and started playing purpose by Justin Bieber.

"Feeling like I'm breathing my last breath
Feeling like I'm walking my last steps
Look at all of these tears I've wept
Look at all the promises that I've kept

I put my heart into your hands
Here's my soul to keep
I let you in with all that I can
You're not hard to reach
And you bless me with the best gift
That I've ever known
You give me purpose
Yeah, you've given me purpose

Thinking my journey's come to an end
Sending out a farewell to my friends, forever peace
Ask you to forgive me for my sins, oh would you please?
I'm more than grateful for the time we spent, my spirit's at ease"

My cheeks were burning by every word he said because he looked so serious and happy.
I forgave him and he knew it but still something was bothering him.
Tears ran down my cheeks why you ask?

To be honest I don't know maybe it's that I have a bad feeling.
He came closer to me and hugged me.
"I'm going on tour for 7 months"
My heart skiped a beat and I look into his eyes.

"When are you leaving?" I asked.
"Next week"
"No no no" I mumbled.
"You can't leave no please stay don't go" I cried.
"I have to it's important for me and you can visit every concert"
My eyes watered so much I can't he can't why?

With no sound I left his room and walked into my room.
Swiftly I locked the door and walked into the bathroom.
I grabbed a razor blade I kept in a box.
Should I or not?

Some people are going to say I made a big deal out of it but no.
If you don't know my past don't fucking judge me.

A voice in my head told me to cut but then another voice told me not to.
I kept the blade back to where I found it and walked over to my bed.
Weeping because of him and because of my past.

Never did I ever expect him to become so famous that he's going and leaving me.
He is the only one that helped me well he and Matt and Hayes.

But still I trusted him more than anyone even more than Jack my older brother.
Those words really hurt it's like someone's stabbing you right into your heart,which is one of your weakest body parts ever.

Jack knew everyone knew even Hayes and Matt knew.
I was so naive to think that he would stay forever.

My head's pounding and I feel so dizzy but I can still see where I'm going to.
Quickly I comforted myself with my bed and pillow.
A soft and quiet knock was heard at my door.

Me being lazy ignored the knock and kept on crying.
The person behind the door who I assumed was Shawn kept on knocking.

Angry but weak I walked up to the door.
I was about to scream when the person wrapped his arms around me.
"He's leaving he'll forget me" I burst into tears.

"Shhh don't cry please do it for me"
"But M-attt I can't" my voice cracked.
"Let's lay down"
We walked to my bed and my head was on his chest.
My tears dried slowly and I drifted asleep.

******

"She's asleep"
"Is she ok?"
"I tried my best to calm her"
"I hope she'll talk to me again"
"Yeah let's go downstairs"

My eyes fluttered open when Matt and Shawn's voice faded away.
I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself.

Pale, red puffy eyes and a red nose.
My hands meets the tap and then the water and lastly my face.
Checking the time it was 4 pm.
I haven't eaten anything since morning I walked into the kitchen.

Matt,Shawn and Jack sat by the table looking at me.
No words just eyes staring into each other.
Some eyes with sympathy another eye with anger, eyes shock and eyes with tears.

Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath  I walked to the deep freezer and took a cup of ice cream.
Chocolate I hate it but still I managed to take it.

With eyes still looking at me I took a seat next to Matt.
Every time I'm sad I eat things I actually hate they taste like nothing to me because my emotions make them tasteless.

Yeah I'm weird but this actually happens except broccoli I don't care how I feel sad or not i hate broccoli so damn much.
I took a spoon of ice cream and put it into my mouth.

"I thought you hate chocolate?" Shawn asked.
"Don't talk to me" I said with a deep voice I was surprised to hear.
My hands kept on putting the spoon into my mouth until I was finished