connor's still here - dear evan hansen

🌿six🌿

its thursday night, and you know what's on thursday night? jazz band. yep. i get to see zoe play in the jazz band. agh she's so talented. she has the prettiest of hair and the nicest smile and eyes. everything about her is wonderful.

anyways, im very excited as i sit in a seat not too far but far enough to not be noticed. i grab my phone and start playing a game when I hear a voice.

"you shouldn't like her."

"why not?" i asked quietly. connor sat in front of me turned around in the seat. "she's a very nice girl, plus she's beautiful and funny and quirky and-."

"you just shouldn't. she doesn't like you," he said quickly, then mumble something under his breath. i didn't hear what he mumbled but i could tell he was being suspicious.

"what? why not?" i asked again. "yeah, I know she dosnt like me but if I talk to her more and grab her attention maybe I can get to know her more."

"no. bad idea," he says shaking his head. i raise my eyebrows in a way saying id like an explanation. "you'll stutter and mess up and make a fool out of yourself." I look down and nod, agreeing. "plus, I heard through the grapevine that someone likes you~," he says dragging out the 'u'. my eyes widen. "what? no. not possible. nope. that's crazy." he nods his head.

"you never know what's gonna happen..." he whispers, then disappears. i shake my head, he talks nonsense.

the light dim a bit and the band starts to play. i see zoe start to move along to the music and she looks like she's in heaven, like she's enjoying every moment. its beautiful. her long brown hair is braided loosely and she has a pretty outfit on that makes her different than the other band members. the song there playing sounds familiar but i dont remember what its called, im pretty sure its by frank sinatra.

after about an hour, they ended their last song of the evening. as i walk out of the room, i see zoe talking to one of her friends. they share a hug then the girl leaves, leaving zoe alone. nows my chance.

"hey- uh, zoe."

"oh hi, evan?" she askes.

"yeah. uh, you did really well tonight. not like you diddnt do well last week or-i uh, i mean-"

she starts to giggle. "evan, its okay. but yeah i saw you last week, and the week before, and the weeks before that."

"yeah, i try to come to every show." i tell her, looking at the floor and trying not to make eye contact.

"yeah i know." she says smiling.

"oh um, hows the family and all. im sorry again." her smile is replaced with a thin line and her eyes arnt as bright. "oh, im sorry! i diddnt mean to- uh, im sorry."

"no its okay." she says forcing a slight smile. "my family and i are sad, of course, but were getting through. im a bit more depressed that everyone else because the note said my name in it, and he was saying those things, and.." i paniced.

"zoe, im sorry about connor. but hey you-you never know about the future and all." i say to her, trying to bring her up. she looks up and smiles. "yeah your right." she says. i look up and we make eye contact for one of the first times in the conversation. "thank you." i blush wildly.

"um, th-thank you for letting me watch you tonight. see you around. have a good even-" i turn around to leave quickly but she touches my arm. "hey, im here to talk if you need a friend, just saying." i turn around and smile, thanking her. she smiled and walked back into the room, waving to me and i waved back.

~

"so how was it?" connor asks. i sit on the bed and open up my computer. "it was good." i respond simply. i type away going onto a website then sitting back, waiting for it to load. I look over at connor. he looks at me and raises his eyebrows. "good or bad?"

"why do you want to know? it-it was fine." I say looking down. "we had small talk and stuff, normal stuff. friendly chats" I take a sip of a bottle water that was next to me.

"did you flirt or make a small move?" he says wiggling his eyebrows. I choke on the water. [more like on this dick, lol im sorry] "wha- of course not! why the hell would you think i- of all people would flirt wi-with zoe?!" he just giggles. "of course, scaredy cat would never." i but in. "im not scared! i just, i just can't find the-the-" "yeah,yeah okay. whatever you say big boy." I huff and type away.

AGH I KNOW IMA BAD PERSON IM SORRY. "I'm gonna update every day or every other day." HAHAHA MKAY HANA LMAOOO. AND THIS CHAPTER WAS SO SHORT AGH. I APOLOGIZE.

but yeah. I've been sick for weeks with a bad cold and the flu and im slammed with exams BUT SCHOOL ENDS NEXT THURSDAY SO YEEAAHH BOOOIII so ill actually update on a normal scedual and stuff.

the next chapter will be a super late blog about my trip to playlist live a couple weeks ago, yeah it's late but who cares its still good AND I MISS IT SO MUCH AGH.

but aNyWaYs i had a good week, I came out to my parents and they accept me and I'm happy so that's good. have a good rest of the week. study as much as you can for exams and such, sleep well, hydrate and eat well, and stay positive and happy.

love you, hana 🌻☀💛