connor's still here - dear evan hansen

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3 days later
for some reason, i was called to the principals office. i have no idea why; im not a bad student, i attended all my classes, i have pretty good grades. then what's the issue?

as i open the door, i see what seems to be a mother and father. they have sadness, concern, worry, and confusion written on their faces. i proceed to close the door and go to the chair.

"good morning. um, is mr. howard here?" silence. "sorry, they said on the loud speaker that I need to come to the principals office-" i tried to explain but the father stood up.
"mr. howard stepped out." he explained.
"oh."

"we wanted to speak to you, in private. were connors parents." he said
"oh." I repeated. you could feel the awkward silence suffocating the room. whatever they were trying to explain was very difficult to get out. but why was connors parents here?

"connor he wanted you to have this." his mother hands me a paper. as i read it, i notice that its my 'dear evan hansen' letter. my eyes widen as i reread it.
"connor never talked about you before. but then we saw, 'dear evan hansen'-"
"he gave this to you?"

"we diddnt know you were such great friends." he explains. "we diddnt think he had any friends, but this letter suggested pretty clearly that he though of you... it says it right here 'dear evan hansen'-"

"you- you think-
that connor wrote this to me?" i question. where was this? how did they find this? are they weirded out by zoes name in it? oh god...

"these were his last words he wanted to share with you." he says. connors mother is starting to cry.
"last words?" last words as in... death? i reread my letter again, still not taking this situation all in.
"he wanted you to-" his father quickly tried to explain.
"wait what do you mean last words?" i asked tentivly. if this is what I think it is... please no please no.

"connor um... connor took his own life." he says bluntly looking down. his mother is fully crying now. I've never felt this before, but it feels like boulders just landed on my chest and is trying to crush me. a pang of depression hits me, and i instantly feel broken.

"he what?..."
"-and this was the only thing we found in his pocket, we see he was pretty close to you he was trying to explain why. 'i wish everything was different, i wish I was apart of something, i wish what I said mattered'-"
" barry please stop!" his mother shrieks at her husband.

"im sorry this- this um, connor diddnt write this. connor-"
"what does he mean-" she says, raising her voice.
"he's he's just in shock-" he says to her.
"no no no-" they don't believe me. they don't understand it!
"what are you saying -" she yells. more yells and frustration are expressed and tears are shed as connors parents get into an argument in the small office. i instantly shrink into the chair and cover myself. "im sorry i should just- can i please go i'm sorry im sorry!!"

more arguments and yells leave their mouths into the depression filled room.
"this is all we have left!" she points to the paper in my hand. i get out of my covering position and hand it back to her.
"you should take it please..." i tell her reassuringly. as she grabs the paper, her eyes light up.

"Barry, look at his cast." she says reluctantly and happy. as i look down, I notice the big sharpied words saying CONNOR across the front. oh god.

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HELLO AGAIN CHAPPS
so I posted this pretty recently and I already got about 20 reads! wow! like no its not a huge amount but its a great number to start off at! I have a small goal of 50, then ill be pleased hehe.
BUT STILL THANK YOU SO MUCH WOW 👏💕👌💕✌💕👍

on another note, today is meme day... 4/20 lol get it. dead ass this kid smoked a joint in the boys bathroom today and you could smell it in the whole hallway lmao.

as always stay happy and happy and ill see you soon!

hana ☀