connor's still here - dear evan hansen

🌿seven🌿

so connor and i have been having a different bond. its weird. the only times i talk to him and both on them were negative, well in person at least. now, he's nice and funny and sweet and makes jokes. its nice to finally have a friend. a real friend.
ive gotten used to his crinkled eyes when he laughs or smiles and his wavy hair that honestly stays in place because it just does and his horrid sense of humor. but i don't mind. i sorta like it, i I like the company. its been about two weeks since connor came around. im used to his obnoxiousness and his weird humor by now. plus, he's one of the only people I can be calm and he may self around. its honestly not that bad. he's actually a really nice person, once you get to know him.

as the psychiatrist in me comes out, i have a prediction. the connor you saw at school or in person couldn't show the real him, so now that he's out of his body he can express himself how he actually is. sorta makes sense, right?

"watcha thinking about?" speak of the devil. its saturday, about 11:30 in the morning. mom had an early shift so she had to leave at 8. "oh nothing. just enjoying the peace." he chuckles sitting criss-cross on the end of the bed. im not looking directly at him but I can tell he's watching me. "whats the plan for today?" he asks. I think about my answer, feeling how my body would feel after some activates we could do. "I wasn't planing on anything but i don't care."

"how about we go to the park? ya know, see the trees..." i look at him without moving my head. "but im tired~" I argue. "i had a big test yesterday and i stayed up all night yesterday studying for it. i got super stressed out about it and i was worried. i just want to take a nap and relax." the only thing he argued with was "trees are relaxing," and I gave in.

~

"what kind of tree is this?" he asks. i look at the bright colored leaves with a tall trunk. "honestly, this is one of the trees that i can't really tell what kind it is." i explain. "the trunk feels and looks like oak, but the leave color, shape, texture and other features about the branches say multiple other kinds. it gets me confused but questioned at the same time. what combinations are they? is this a natural tree? is it a rare tree? if its rare, how did it get here?" i say, putting my hand on the dark trunk.

"you really like trees, don't you." he says, being serious. i nod my head. "not just trees, all of nature. i love little potting plants, and cacti, and beautiful flowers." i start again. "like in the spring, the flower buds just start to pop up and bloom into little babies." i tell him, shooting my hand up and opening my fingers like a firework. "then in the summer, the warmth from the sun starts to help them grow, and the rain from the spring helps to make this amazing piece of art called a flower. its truly beautiful." i say, admiring the way I described it.

i look over at connor, he was studying me, using lots of concentration. i wonder what he thinks. he sees me and smiles, i cant help but smile back. "you really like nature. i can tell." i look away and scan the trees, looking for creatures that lurk the beautiful skyscrapers. "mmhmm." he looks with me. a moment after, i spot a blue jay. its wings have a beautiful shade of blue with bits of white and dark blue. it sits apon a nest of straw, grass, and leaves. inside the next lies thee blue speckled eggs. the mother jay sits apon the eggs to keep them warm. its amazing to see the blue jay up close and in action.

i made a good decision to sit on a bench next to some bushes. tiredness grows over me and i decide to take a small nap. "connor." i call out closing my eyes. "mmhmm?" "wake me up later. he sits next to me, crossing his legs, looking at the jay. "'k, no problem." i soon fall into a sweet slumber.

the feeling of heat on my face awakens me. i see that i awake and the sun is just above the trees by now. i check the time on my phone, it reads 4:42 pm. i think its a good time to start heading home. ill be sure to look back on the mother jay and her beautifully speckled eggs. connor follows as i lead my way out of the park. we dont talk, its just calm silence, nothing awkward.

connor sits on my desk chair, feet on my bed. i grab my computer, typing and scrolling. i type into youtube, searching one of my favorite youtubers. connor looks at my screen. "who is amazingphil?" "a british youtuber. why?" he moves back over to the chair. "no reason." i click on one of my favorite videos. he starts to answer questions with one of his friends named dan and they have cat whiskers on their faces, its really funny [HAHAHAH HEY LOOK ITS ANOTHER FANDOM WHOA].

"who are they... what are they doing...
what's on their face? im so confused." he says looking at the screen. i chuckle at him. "hehe, they're dan and phil. they're best friends who are currently doing a "q n a"." he points to the screen. "why did they draw sharpie on their face?" I chuckle again. "its a cat. because its cute. it makes them look adorable if I'm being honest." he turns and looks at me.
"do you think their cute?" i shrug my shoulders. "i guess." he looks over at me and smiles, his eyes shining bright. i wasn't looking at him but i could see it. "can i watch too?" i nod my head and he sits down next to me. he scoots closer to me and sighs in content. we laugh once in a while. as the night goes on, my eyes drift closed, and connors head makes its way onto my shoulder.

yay i actually made this on time wow
school is done in a couple of days and ill be updating more so yay.
im a park and there's food but waaayyyyy too many people eeehhhhh
i was depressed at school so i made a book about why you should be happy so check it out if you need a smile. its called 'reasons to be happy' and it has a pure kitty with a flower crown for the cover, its my friends kitty and it is a pure bean 😊
im gonna go eat food by myself and suffer
k byyyeeee
hana 🌻☀💛