connor's still here - dear evan hansen

🌿five🌿

🌿
school is boring, there's nothing to do. nothing goes on. bare, boring, blank. what's to do in an atmosphere of darkness and sadness mixed with exhaustion, depression and anxiety.

as i walk the halls, i look around and see the faces and expressions on the teens.

tired, depressed, paniced, happy, giggly, loved. what does love feel like? ive never been in a relationship before, and the only person if like to date is zoe. but even i know that it would never work.

"oph- watch where your going, kid." a senior said to me as I accidentally bumped into him. his response was a slight push into the lockers, but made my frail body get pushed into the lockers, which hurt. i recover the fumble and proceed to class.

no one is here yet so i sit in my usual spot; farthest row from the door, farthest seat from the front, all the day in the corner. its sunny, quiet, and has a good spot to view the ouside. i sit down, putting my chin in my hands and looking out the window. I sigh as I'm tired, but the day hasn't even started.

"you tired too? tell me about it. being dead is such hard work." i whip my head to see connor, sitting with his legs up on the desk.

"what are you doing here? diddnt toy hate school?" I question him.

"yes I did, but for different reasons. shitty teachers, bad grades, assholes for classmates, etcetera etcetera." he sums up. I nod my head, agreeing.

"the plants outside are dead." he says, pointing to the garden area in the front yard of the school. the bushes were over grown, the trees hung too low and needed to be trimmed, the flowers are wilted, and almost everything looks dry and unhealthy. "yeah."

"you should join a club." he states.

"me? why?"

"I don't know, to get you active and happier in school, maybe? plus there's an earth club where they take care of plants and gardening around the school and in the area and they do fundraisers and stuff. it seems cool and your type of stuff."

I thought about joining the club a while ago, but never got around to it and diddnt want to talk to many people, so I declined.

"ehh, I don't think so."

"whhaaattt? why not?" he draggs out the word 'what'. "what's gonna harm you in helping out with the environment?" I shale my head, telling him I was declining.

"you can look at trees." I slowly turn my head to look at him.

"okay, ill look into it." I say, smiling shyly. he grins and claps his hands with excitement.

"sweet!" he exclaims, looking and acting like a little kid.

as the students enter the classroom, connor disappears again. ill probably see him this evening.

HEYOOOOOO
its late but I promised that I would write another chapter BECAUSE I HAVENT UPDATED IN WEEKS IM SO SORRY. I literally say "oh every other day maybe" BUT UPDATES A FUCKING WEEK LATER. (ill edit later, too tired to fix stuff srry)

anyways I hope you sleep well, I know I will 😁

g'night mates

hana ☀