My life story

Unedited, previously needed Death Note (Rant)

I've thought of it for maybe 3 years now, but it's always been delayed. That "it" is suicide. I've tried alternatives like cutting and starving but neither helped my case. I'm helpless and I don't want to go through it anymore, I want to end it. There's been so many reasons I've wanted to do it and it started 4th grade. I'm almost done in 7th grade and I'm slowly getting into high school and eventually college, the time of my life when I'm allowed to do all that I need to do it. Death is a serious topic but in this time in this generation, there's so many individuals told to kill themselves either as a joke or seriously and granted, I was a victim and criminal. I tried in 6th grade to make others feel the way I do but I got suspended from it. I tried now to keep to myself, I made nice friends but apparently the people my sister enjoy to be friends with happen to get to me. They basically act like they'll be there for her all her life but I was always told that sibling bonds are stronger than any others. My sister knows I'm suffering but tells me to suck it up when I know too well that if her friends went through what I am, she'd be there for them every second. I try finding help but who am I to be the one to get help when everyone knows how bad of a person I am. Thank you Thea for taking away one of the people that made me feel safer to live in a community like the one we're in now, where word gets around very quickly. Thank you Zach for abandoning the promise you made after my first attempt, I hate that it ended again and I truly miss you. Thank you Jonah for making me feel happier when I'm upset and comforting me at times like this, but I'm sad to say it's not enough. Thank you Mark for influencing me into wanting this fate ever since we met, I couldn't have express my gratitude in words. Thank you sis for treating me like trash and letting me know that I truly am as bad as everyone thought I was. Thank you mom and dad for supporting me but for also letting me know that I'm still a weak and stupid girl that doesn't know when to stop. Thank you Michael and Cris for making me live out part of a living hell, you two were the greatest pieces of crap that I'll ever meet. Thank you Jasmine and Krystal for never acknowledging that I was hurting and only wanting to be with me when you're forced to. Thank you to all the past friends I've ever had, I know you don't miss me but it was good that you forgot me before anyone found out about this. And thank you Vinna Franchesca Cervania for being the worst human being to ever walk the planet, and for never even trying to go through life and what it has to offer for you; I hate you and I truly want YOU to die, you can't even stay strong for the ones that cared for you and you're so fucking weak; you're a piece of shit and you never deserved to live so fucking kill yourself, the world would've been better without you in it.