FEU Secret Files

All for you, Kristy.

All for you, Kristy.

Have you ever tried to do anything for the person that you really love? To the point na you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for their happiness? I'm not that good at story telling, but I'm hoping that you could take time to read my story.

6 years na kami ng girlfriend ko. Since 4thyear highschool, hanggang sa maka-graduate kami at magkatrabaho. Sabay kaming nangarap. Sabay kaming nag plano. Sabay tinutupad ang mga pangako namin sa isa't-isa.

We were so happy.

I thought I already found my soulmate, o yung sinasabi nilang 'the one', I can even picture myself spending the rest of my life with her. Sobrang minahal ko siya. And to be honest, marami akong nameet na babae bago ko siya nakilala. But at the moment that I finally met her, never na ko nang ginusto na may makilala pang iba. Nasa kaniya niya lahat. Beauty, brains, and a beautiful soul, she's indeed one of a kind. And God knows how thankful I am to have her in my life.

Everything was so perfect. Everybody believes na kami na talaga yung magkakatuluyan.

Our relatives and friends keep on teasing us, 'Kailan ang kasal?'.

While I am laughing at their jokes, I didn't realize na nagdadalawang isip na pala siya sa akin. Sa amin.

Won't make this story long, so she met a guy from her office. Nagkakamabutihan na pala sila. The reason why she became cold. Palagi siyang busy at walang time. Palagi siyang galit sa akin. Palagi niya akong inaaway kahit wala naman akong ginagawang masama. Feeling ko naiirita na siya sa presence ko sa buhay niya. At that time, I knew that something wrong is happening. I knew na dapat akong kabahan sa treatment na ipinaparamdam niya sa akin. Kahit gustung-gusto ko, hindi ko siya pinaghinalaan o tanungin kung may iba na ba siya because I don't want to make her feel na wala akong tiwala sa kaniya.

Araw ng 7th Anniversary namin, nasa restaurant kami. Una palang napapansin kong wala na siyang ganang kumain, mukha siyang balisa, hindi umiimik. She's never been like that.

Kahit sinasabi ng isip ko na huwag siyang tanungin dahil natatakot ako sa isasagot niya, mas ginusto ko pa ring malaman kung bakit siya nagkakakaganon. So I asked her, 'What's wrong?' and at that point, inamin niya lahat. Inamin niya lahat ang mga bagay na kinatatakutan kong marinig. Inamin niyang meron na siyang iba, na hindi na siya masaya. Inamin niyang matagal niya nang gustong makipaghiwalay sa akin pero hindi niya alam kung paano sasabihin.

That was the first time na nakita ko siyang gano'n.

I smiled at her, and I told her to just go.

Tinanong niya pa ako, 'okay lang?'

I answered, 'Don't worry about me, I'm fine... Go.'

And then, umalis siya.

At dun ako umiyak nang umiyak. I don't give a shit about the people around me, kung lalaki ako pero parang babae kung umiyak. Sorry, hindi ko kinayang pigilan ang nararamdaman ko eh. Who'd tell, na mas masakit pala talaga ang internal wounds at mas matagal talagang mag-hilom kesa sa sugat na nakikita ng mga mata.

I loved her that much that I chose to let her go because I know that in that way, I'll still make her happy.

Masakit, pero yung katotohanan na hindi na tayo yung source ng happiness nila, dapat nalang talaga natin tanggapin. Because at the end of the day, we cannot force anybody to love us back.

Jake
2010
IAS
FEU Manila