Trying To Find Something More (KELLIC)

Chapter 15 .Poor Vic.

(Warning: Self hate & hints of self harm -nothing visual or descriptive- Sorry. Just feeling it right now)

    Vic

What the fuck. What the honest fuck was that boy thinking?! He broke up with me! He broke up with me. How could he do that? How the hell could he just throw me away like that?! I love him. I love him. And I probably always will.

  School the next day was just the same as before but this time, I didn't mope around. I acted fine. I had to smile and laugh and joke so people wouldn't give me the sympathy that I didn't deserve. And this time, I didn't have hope of Kellin at the end of the day.

  I went to school, faked it for 8 hours, and left school. I went home where I faked it for a good 7 hours until I fell asleep to dream of Kellin. That was my new routine. They weren't happy dreams, either. The kind where you're back together and you grow old together, no. The kind I have are nightmares. Its usually just him breaking up with me but it has his thoughts and why he's breaking up with me. He doesn't hold back anything.

   He told me how fat I am. How ugly I am. How stupid I was to think he would love me or we would last. He laughed in my face. He told me that he was just using me to get out of the house and now that his dad's gone, he doesn't need me.

It's been about 3 weeks of me doing the same thing over and over every day since the break up. No one has noticed my fake smile or laugh. No one noticed I wear long sleeves or a jacket constantly. No one noticed I don't eat but 1 meal a day. No one noticed I sleep for 3 hours at night. No one has noticed that I'm slipping away. They haven't taken a second glance after I've smiled and said "I'm fine."

Maybe that's what I'm most upset about.  I lost the one person who would look me in the eye and say "No. You're not." Because even though I know the break up was my fault, I should have tried harder. I should have been a better boyfriend. I shouldn't have ate so much. I shouldn't have been so clingy, so needy. I shouldn't have loved him with my whole heart.

"You okay, hermano?" I heard at the door of my room. I look over to see Mike leaning on the frame with his arms crossed.

     No.   "Yeah, I'm fine Mike." I said and smiled.

"Are you sure?" He asked again. This time I put on my confused expression.

     No. I'm dying on the inside. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I raised my eyebrows and laughed a little.

"Just that, you never really talked about Kellin..." He looked like he was walking on egg shells.

    "Nothin to talk about, Mikey." I smiled again to show him. "Let's go to school?"

  He nodded and headed to the front door while I got my bag.

  

   My first classes, I usually avoid Kellin all hour. I don't need him to know how much I miss him and he doesn't need to remind me why we broke up. I usually just sit and do my work or write songs.

   Lunch is always fun. I sit in the cafeteria with my friends since I don't have very many close ones.

    "Hey, Vic, you aren't gonna eat?" Tony asked when he sat next yo me and clanked his tray down. I looked at the food. Fat. Fat that would cling to my body and make me even less appealing. I quickly shook my head and thought of an excuse.

   "Nah, I'm not really hungry. I think I'm gonna go buy a pop though. See you at 5th if I don't get back in time!" I said to the table as I walked away.  As I turned around,  I was met with a chest.

   "Oh. Uhm.. Sorry." I apologized and looked up to find a boy I didn't know. He had shaggy light brown hair and hazel eyes.

    "It's totally cool. I'm Alex, by the way. It's my first day here." He offered his hand and I shook it

   "I'm Vic." I smiled at him. "What's your next class?" He looked down at his schedule and scrunched his eyebrows.

   "Uhm.. music.. I think." He looked up and grinned.

   "Me too! I'll walk you?" I asked just before the bell rang. He nodded and we headed towards the music room. We got in and sat by each other.

   "Mrs. Dickson isn't here today so just be quiet and do whatever." Mrs. Frasier, our music teacher's assistant, told us before leaving the room for a few minutes.

   Alex and I sat there for a while just talking about bands we like and our favorite members.

    "I love Gerard Way!" I yelled when he mentioned him. I completely forgot that Kellin was in this class too, but remembered when he turned around and gave me a weird look. It turned to sadness when I locked eyes with him.

     "Vic, you okay?" I heard Alex whisper and turn to where I was looking.

   When I didn't answer he continued.

   "Who's that? He looks like a loner." He scoffed. That made me mad.

    "Don't call him that! " I whisper yelled at him. "He's.... an old friend." I returned my attention to my hands and concentrated on folding and unfolding them.

     He looked a little scared when I yelled at him and I kind of felt bad so I apologized and invited him to my house after school for video games and dinner.  He said he hasn't met my friends yet but was excited to.

    I didn't see Kellin after that class and I really didn't try to. This was what he wanted, after all. 

So I really apologize guys, I've had a shitty week. I hope you guys still like me. lol still. Anyways, I hope you like it.

   VALEX WUT. Do you ship it?