Trying To Find Something More (KELLIC)

Chapter 13: The Funeral

Kellin.

Alcohol. Cigarettes. Drugs. I would be lying if I said I didn't hate him. But it would also be a lie to say that I didn't love him. He was my dad. He raised me and gave me things I needed.

"He was a father, son, brother, and friend." I tuned in to what the minister was saying.

There were only a few people here. Me, Vic, his parents, Mike, and a few men who worked with my dad.

After they finished with the service, they cranked him down into the dirt.

'That's my dad. I'll never see him again. Never have him see me graduate. Never have him at my wedding. I'll never give him grandchildren. I'll never hear him laugh again. I'll never give him another Christmas present. He won't be here for my birthdays. He's gone.' My thoughts echo in my head and hang there.

The whole funeral is over now and it's sprinkling. I didn't notice I was just staring at the people who were shoving dirt on my father until I felt an arm around my waist.

"Kellin.. We should leave now.." I heard Vic whisper softly in my ear.

I didn't even respond, I just threw his arm off my waist and continued standing by my father.

I heard a slight gasp, most likely from Vic, and then I heard Mike whisper something.

"He just needs time, hermano." And with that, they walked away with their parents.

'Great. I managed to fuck that up too. Why am I such a horrible excuse for a person? A boyfriend? A friend? A son?'

I groaned in frustration and plopped onto the grass while the rain got a little heavier. I slammed my fist down into the earth and kept yelling at myself.

   'This is all your fault. Don't blame Vic. It's your fault. You should have spent more time with your dad, not Vic.' A voice in my head said. It was right. I hadn't seen my dad in weeks. I was always with Vic or Mike. I could've told my Dad to stop drinking. Told him he had enough, no matter how mad he got. I should have said something. I could've noticed his red eyes and said something. I could've told him how much I loved him. But I didn't. Do you know why? I was too busy being in a relationship with Vic. I was too busy being in love and having a social life, to notice my dad falling apart. To notice how unhappy he was. To notice his breath when he spoke.

By now, the rain is hitting down hard. The workers are finished and have left the cemetery after giving me a sympathetic look. I was sitting under a tree just staring at the grave. I sat there for about an hour in the pouring rain.

   I drove home and went to my room. I checked my phone which had 8 messages and 5 calls. All from Vic. I read them but I didn't reply.

'Baby, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?'

'Kellin. Please answer me.'

'Don't shut me out. Talk to me, baby'

'Kellin, please"

'I love you Kellin.'

'Did I do something?'

'I'm sorry'

'Please forgive me'

  I sighed. I should tell him it's not his fault. I should explain to him how it's mine. But then he'd want to talk.

I sat my phone down and changed from my tux to my comfy clothes. It's only 3 PM but I'm cold and exhausted so I crawl into my warm bed.

~ Time Lapse whaaa~

When I open my eyes, I try to turn to see my clock but I find an arm around my chest. I look up higher to see Vic resting on the headboard of my bed.

I didn't even try to be gentle getting up. I pulled my body out of his grasp with full force. He woke up quick and looked at me puzzled.

"What're you doing here?" I asked harshly. He looked sad after that and his eyes shifted downward to the sheets.

"I wanted to be here for you. I wanted to know what I did. You were in here so I picked the lock after I heard you screaming in your sleep. I was worried about you." He whispered the last part.

  If I had feelings right now, I would be holding him and apologizing, but I don't. So I just stood there and stared at him with a clenched jaw. He looked up at me and saw my expression. He looked absolutely heart broken. His cheeks soon had little water droplets which he quickly wiped away as he stood up and strode to the door.

"Bye Kellin." He said before he closed the door. I later heard the front door open and shut.

'You're such a screw up, Kellin. You made Vic feel like shit. You should feel like shit.'

I made my way to my bathroom and sat on the floor for a while.

I then did some things I'm not proud of and I knew Vic wouldn't be happy with me.

   (Sorry if you don't understand. I don't really want to elaborate) After, I went and laid down again seeing as it was now 11 at night. I had to face school tomorrow and that scared me.

------ Thanks to Maxiee this is alive ------