Starting Over

Consequences

When I got home, no one was there.  I relished the quietness of the house and went upstairs to my room to think.  My mom had been working late recently, and Delany was at a friend's house, so I knew I had at least three hours to myself.

Instead of making myself feel more guilty, I decided to pick up Unwind, by Neal Shusterman, and start reading more about Connor's problems.  I laid on my bed and became fully engrossed, leaving my pain and suffering in what felt like a different dimension.

About an hour after I started reading, someone came home.  I assumed it was Delany, so when I looked up and saw my mother, I was shocked.  "Hi, Cassidy," she greeted, and I smiled in return.

"I thought you had to work late tonight," I inquired.

"Yes, I'm going back.  I had to come home and check on my daughter.  A little birdie told me that you were feeling really down."  She came and sat on the edge of my bed, something that is so familiar but just felt so awkward at the moment.

"Was it Trevor?"

"No," she answered. "It was Kristen.  Does Trevor know?"

"No, not yet," I sighed.

"You have to tell him some time.  It would be best if you told him sooner rather than later.  It'd be horrible if he found out some other way, Cassidy."  Like instinct, she placed her hand on my leg, knowing that her mother's touch would instantly calm my nerves.  

I pulled my leg from her reach, and confusion instantly spread across her face.  I didn't deserve the comfort of someone I caused so much pain to.  "I don't want to tell him, Mom. Why can't we all just wait a year and then we can retry this arrangement,"  I questioned her.  On any other occasion, questioning my mother was not an option, but my heart was speaking louder than my mind, and she and I both knew that.

"He's going to find out, Cassidy.  You can't hide a baby forever, and this baby is your responsibility."  My lack of response made her hint onto what I was thinking of, and her face hardened. "That baby is not going up for adoption.  You have the ability to take care of it, and that's how it's going to be.  You and I both know that when the time comes, you aren't going to go through with it.  You probably already guessed the gender."  She huffed, and got up from the bed, pacing around the pink carpet in me and Delany's room.

"What's wrong with that?"

"You're already attached.  You've been attached since day one, whether you want to be or not."

"It's not fair," I mumbled.  I glanced up to see her face change from shock, to anger.

"Cassidy, I have taught you from the time you could understand that you will live up to your actions.  I know you can't honestly think I 'let you off the hook' when I gave you your phone back and other privileges, because I thought you knew me better than that.  There will always be consequences for your actions; some good, and some bad-"

"Some big, and some small," I finished.

"This isn't a punishment, Cassidy.  You know if I thought you couldn't handle it, I would have brought up that option from the first moment we found out.  The way you see it now, this is a burden, but this 'consequence' will give you some of the best, and worst, experiences of your life."

"It still doesn't make it fair," I said.

"Cas-"

"It's not fair to Trevor.  I'm sure he didn't plan on being called 'daddy' before he graduated college.  It's not fair to Darrien, because he probably will never be known as 'daddy' but probably only as 'my father'.  It's not fair to the baby, because he probably won't have a good relationship with his father because of me.  And because of me, he won't have a good relationship with his grandfather."