TomTord oneshots

Ah, Children.

((Warning: m-preg))

"TOOOOOOMMM--! THE BABY'S COMIIIINNNGGG--!" Tord screamed as he laid in his hospital bed. He knew he was going to be fine, but the pain he was experiencing right now felt like death.
"Shhh, it will be fine." Tom said calmly as he kissed his husband's forehead.
On the inside Tom was freaking out.
~~~~~
A while later, Tom and Tord were handed a beautiful baby boy.
They named him Torm.
But little did they know how much of a responsibility this was.

"I DROPPED IT!!" Tom cried.
"Dropped what?!" Tord rushed down the stairs to find a panicked Tom and a baby on the floor. "TOM!!" Tord shouted. "SERIOUSLY?! HOW DO YOU DROP A BABY?!"
"I'M NOT SURE BUT I DROPPED IT!!" Tom yelled over all of Torm's wailing.
Tord rushed down the stairs at the speed of light and rescued the baby from the cold floor.
"And you call yourself his father." Tord scowled.
Luckily, Torm was unharmed, but it did take a while for him to calm down. Even with all of Tord's quiet singing and gently bouncing the child.
Tom, on the other hand, sat on the couch and drank Smirnoff.

"TOM!! TOM!! GET THE CAMERA!!" Tord called from the living room.
Tom emerged from the kitchen, an old camera in hand. "WHAT?! WHAT?!"
"LOOK!! LOOK!!" Tord pointed at Torm, who was just taking his first steps.
"OH MY GOD!!" Tom yelled as he began filming.

"What's a pineapple?" Five-year-old Torm asked at dinner one night.
Tom froze.
"Where did you hear that word, sweetie?" Tord asked nicely.
"At school," Torm replied. "This guy in my class said he had a pineapple for lunch and I was like, what's that? But then the teacher got on to me 'cause I was talking."
Tom fell out of his chair.
"Dad?" Torm looked under the table to make sure his father was okay.
"Don't worry, your Dad is okay. He was just super tired so he decided to take a nap. On the floor." Tord clarified.
"Okay!"

"Dad, why do I have two dads?"
"um, I'LL TELL YOU WHEN YOU'RE OLDER!!"

**a few years later**
"Hey dad, I'm older, now will you tell me why I have two dads?"
"Nope. Still not old enough."

This happened a lot.
Tom was just too lazy to say the whole story.
And so was Tord.
So eventually Torm got over the fact that they were not going to tell him and asked Google instead.
Torm: "Hey Google why do I have two dads."
Google: "because your mother is a hoe."
Torm: "ok."

"Hey dad, is mom a hoe?"
"HEY TORD!!"
"What?"
"ARE YOU A HOE?!"
"No. I'm a hoar thanks for asking."
"No Torm."

**later that day**
Torm: "hey Google why do I have two dads but my mom is not a hoe."
Google: "then you are a disgrace to this planet."
Torm: *sarcastic* "thanks Google."
Google: "no problem. :D"

((Ok this was requested but in the request their child was a girl, so I guess I can do another oneshot where Torm has a sister.))